Swords of a Devil
by sakurademonalchemist
Summary: Kiba isn't the only survivor of the Project. Shirou is more than a third-rate Magus. When Shirou is kidnapped shortly after being adopted, his lofty dream of being a "hero" is given an unexpected change. Now he has a reason to live for more than 'saving' others. His new goal? Kill the priest in charge of the Project and find his birth family. Shirou-is-a-Devil
1. Chapter 1

If you were to examine the life of one Shirou Emiya, you might say he has the worst luck of any child.

Losing his memory at the tender age of seven, being kidnapped a scant three years later to be used as an experiment by the holy church, rescued by a vampire a scant year after when the project was forcibly disbanded leaving only him and one other alive, almost losing his adopted father a year after that...

It was a miracle he could still smile.

But if you were to look closer, you'd realize that 'smile' was just a mask. Something to hide his true self.

For you see Shirou Emiya, contrary to popular belief, wasn't a human with the rare skill of being able to use a full Reality Marble. Nor was he a normal Magus as the Mages Association would consider him.

It wasn't until the day Kiritsugu knew he was going to die that he realized Shirou wasn't a fourth-rate Magus.

He was a Devil. One from an old family, if he had already been given his Evil Piece set.

From that day on, Kiritsugu was reborn as a Devil, specifically the Pawn of Shirou Emiya, his son. He didn't mind, as it meant he still had a chance to end the same suffering he saw as a child and even helped move along as an adult.

Besides, he had a new lease on life, since he would likely live to see his daughter again, and Shirou had already agreed to turn her into a Devil to save her from the fate that awaited her.

Jubstacheit would almost certain turn her into a lesser Grail, both to get revenge on Kiritsugu and because she was already born to the previous one. And the Lesser Grail _never_ lived past the war, or if they did it was for far too brief a time. If she were a Devil, then Illyasviel would live.

At the moment, however, he was trying to locate the man responsible for almost killing Shirou and the other survivor of the Holy Sword Project, Kiba Yuuto.

Kiba had been shocked to hear from Shirou...but also glad. Because it meant he wouldn't be alone when it came time to destroy the Excalibur copies.

If there was one thing Shirou hated, it was Excalibur. And hearing the "wish", if one could call it that, of it's owner only made that hatred solidify.

Arturia (because apparently history got the King's gender mixed up) wanted to erase her eligibility for Kingship. She wanted someone else to draw the sword, feeling as though she had been unworthy due to how her legend ended.

Shirou hated it. It was because of the fake Holy Swords that his friends had to suffer and were killed. It was because of Arturia (through Kiritsugu's Command) that the fire in Fuyuki started.

He even had a shrine in his workshop solely for those children sacrificed to that damn project. Their names were etched into his memory forever.

Shirou looked outside through his dining area to the small courtyard outside his house. Officially, he was an "orphan" after the night he turned his dad into a Devil. Kiritsugu had managed to fake his body and had it cremated to hide the evidence.

For all intents and purposes, Kiritsugu Emiya was dead. Shirou even had a proper shrine made to keep up the illusion.

Instead his father went around acting as his eyes and ears, trying to find out certain things in Shirou's stead...like the location of the copy Excalibur swords, the priest behind the slaughter of the Holy Sword project...and the priest who initially kidnapped his son and shipped him to that place.

Kiritsugu had already figured out how Shirou had escaped detection as a Devil by the church.

Avalon, the sheathe of Excalibur, was a Phantasm created by faerie magic. As Faeries were naturally opposed to Holy magic (though not to the same extent as Devils were) it was only common sense that it would resist holy grounds, even passively.

Obviously the resistance Avalon presented against holy objects and auras was stronger than whatever faith might be present in modern humanity. That and Shirou had openly admitted to being a member of the Shinto/Buddhist faith, and thus had no reason to believe in the Catholic/Christian "God" in the first place, let alone have a cross.

The fact he had never touched a cross or holy water, let alone touch a weapon made of Light, meant that there was no reason to suspect him as anything but a particularly empty child. One who was only just now recovering from losing all his memories.

Seventeen year old Shirou managed to get up and get ready for the day. Sakura would be here soon, and with her Taiga would generally follow.

Shirou had mixed feelings about Sakura. On one hand, she was obviously a Magus, and she was also abused at home. Likely by that ass Shinji or her grandfather...however as long as she kept her silence, Shirou could do nothing.

On the other hand, there was a lot of potential power in her. Enough that Shirou would openly offer her one of the open positions as his Evil Piece. Zelretch's explanation was _very_ detailed, and he made it clear he expected the red-headed Devil to stir up some chaos as payment.

* * *

"Crap, crap, crap... stupid Shinji had to take his damn time cleaning the club..."

Shirou was in a foul mood, because he was late to make dinner... and Taiga got extra bitchy when she was hungry. Sakura was good, but she had trouble making the large quantities Taiga often demanded.

Shinji, who hated the fact Shirou was the vice-captain despite having a slightly noticeable scar on his shoulder, decided to take his time cleaning the archery club room while complaining all the while that the captain gave Shirou permission to use him as target practice whenever he tried to skip out on it.

So now Shirou was hurrying home, hoping he didn't run into any trouble...especially with those stupid seals now currently branded on his hand.

He planned to get Taiga drunk tonight so he could talk to Sakura and hopefully see her feelings on the matter. Odds were she had recognized them and might be open to a partnership.

It wasn't like he cared for the grail, considering Kiritsugu had told him the thing was corrupted and would only cause death if used. And the only wish he might have was to find out who his birth family was.

And that was something Kiritsugu was currently looking into for him, so he didn't need it.

He honestly didn't get why the Grail chose him, unless it was because of the fact he was one of the few magic users in town.

So when he heard the sound of battle, it was only natural he stopped.

Shirou stared for five seconds. Then he shook his head in disbelief and kept on walking.

Unfortunately, his shitty luck kicked in, yet again.

He really needed to find out why he had such terrible luck and punch the bastard responsible for it.

Just as he had that thought, without any reason why, the red-armored guy with two swords sneezed three times. Everyone was so surprised that they all stared.

 _'Oh...so he's a Servant. Wait...why did he sneeze?! Is he the bastard who put this damn luck curse on me? I swear to Lucifer when I find that bastard he's a dead man!'_ thought Shirou.

Once again, he sneezed.

"Do you have a cold or something, sword-boy?" asked the guy in blue.

"Archer...?" said Rin Tohsaka, the school's idol.

"Someone must be talking about me behind my back," said Archer, highly confused.

Shirou once again had murderous thoughts about the jerk who cursed him. 'Archer' sneezed again. The guy in blue backed up, obviously not wanting to catch whatever it was Archer had.

Shirou's eyes narrowed. He didn't even think twice about what he did next.

"You. You're the reason my luck's been extra shitty for years, aren't you?!" said Shirou irate.

Everyone turned to face him. Rin's face was openly surprised.

"Emiya-san?" she said in shock. It was clear what her thought processes were.

"Oi, Archer, was it? Did you by any chance cast a luck curse at some point?" asked Shirou, his voice perfectly calm, but his face twitching.

Archer blinked a few times.

"I might have tried to cast a curse on a certain trolling vampire, but it never stuck...why?"

Archer barely blocked the punch to the face.

Shirou was definitely pissed.

"Well _clearly_ Zelretch thought it hilarious to redirect your damn curse on me, asshole! Prepare to DIE!" shouted Shirou.

Redirecting a curse on some random person did sound like the infamous Zelretch. Even Kiritsugu had commented how odd it was that Shirou had all the luck of a Lancer Servant.

And by that he meant none at all.

"Hey, brat! This is our fight!" said Lancer.

"...Care to share? I have a serious beef with the idiot who got a curse stuck on me that makes my luck as bad as a Lancer-type Servant," deadpanned Shirou.

The guy in blue, who Shirou suspected _was_ Lancer, blinked before a slow grin crept on his face.

"How bad we talking about here?"

"Amnesia at seven, kidnapped at nine, rescued by the ultimate troll at ten and I lost my dad at twelve. What the hell do you think?" said Shirou flatly.

Lancer whistled. That _was_ some shitty luck.

"Be that as it may, can't let witnesses survive kid," said Lancer.

Shirou rolled his eyes, before revealing the command seals on his right hand.

"Now that changes things. He's all yours kid."

"Arashiki-sensei keeps a bottle of sake in the third drawer of his desk, if you're interested. It's probably in the teacher's lounge, the second desk next to the outside window," said Shirou helpfully.

Lancer's grin was wide.

"I like you kid. I like you a lot," said Lancer, laughing as he went to raid the desk.

"Shirou...what are you planning to do to Archer?" asked Rin.

Shirou looked at her.

"His curse landed on me, giving me a lifetime of crappy luck. The most I'll do is pound his face in, since I highly doubt I could literally strangle him to death."

Rin stared him in the eye, then considered what she would have done if Kirei had done the same thing.

"...You have ten minutes. After that if you're still here we're going to have a very long, unpleasant talk."

Shirou cracked his knuckles ominously, with a rather terrifying smile on his face.

"That's plenty."

Archer had a bad feeling about this.

Rin came back seven minutes later, and she couldn't help but stare.

"...How the hell did a mere human beat a Servant black and blue?" she wondered out loud. Seeing as how Archer wasn't in any shape to move, she grabbed his collar and started dragging him home.

* * *

 _With Shirou..._

"So why are you following me again?"

"My asshole of a 'Master' ordered me to observe the Servants that got summoned and to see how strong they were. Since you're probably going to summon one soon enough, might as well follow you," deadpanned Lancer.

"...How was the sake?"

"Good enough, but not enough to get me drunk."

"I thought Servants were supposed to try and get along with their Masters?"

"He's not my original master. He damn near killed the woman who summoned me, and left her for dead. He stole her Command Seals, so now I'm stuck with him," said Lancer.

Shirou's mind was whirling.

"If you could switch Masters for someone who would actually let you fight and not be an observer, would you?"

"You planning on killing him and snagging me?" asked Lancer.

"No way. For one, he'd likely use a Seal to force you to defend him, or has some other trap waiting. I had another idea I've been wanting to try since my dad mentioned Servants. If it works, then I can still summon my own. If I don't like them, then I'd still have a Servant anyway. Besides, I keep the liquor cabinet well stocked for my guardian, and I get a discount from work," said Shirou.

"Oh? And what makes you think I'd join up with an admittedly amusing brat like you?"

"I want to destroy Excalibur and help my fallen friends gain some peace in the afterlife."

Dead silence.

Lancer was giving Shirou an odd look. Shirou didn't even notice or care.

"When Excalibur was found again, it was in seven pieces. The Church reforged them into seven copies of the original, all with the same power imbued in a holy sword. A couple of years ago, a priest created something called the Holy Sword Project, which was meant to find a way to give more people a way to use such artifacts artificially. All but two children were slaughtered for such a selfish idea...just so someone could wield Excalibur's copy. Because of that, I want to find the bastard who started the Project and kill him...and destroy Excalibur from existence once and for all. I'll never forgive them for what they did."

Lancer was silent, though his opinion of the odd red head had definitely gone up.

"Okay, I'll bite. What's your plan to snag _me_ as a Servant without killing the bastard with my seals?"

"That would be telling, and I have to get something from my house in order to pull it off. I don't exactly carry them around. If you could be given a boost though, what would you want? Speed? Defense? Or would you rather be a support specialist?"

Lancer might take all his remaining Pawns, so he'd stick to the ones that didn't require a promotion to be really effective.

"I'm a speed specialist," said Lancer after thinking about it.

He wasn't really considering whatever the kid had in mind, but he was humoring him.

"Well that just makes it easier. Hope you don't mind being referred to as a 'Knight'," said Shirou.

Lancer gave him an odd look.

Shirou went into his room and gathered one of his Knight pieces. He had only used the Pawn up until this point, and he had no idea if it would even work.

Seeing Lancer scouring his liquor cabinet, Shirou tossed him the chess piece in his hand. Lancer caught it before it hit him in the head.

"...A knight piece? Wait a minute..."

Lancer hadn't really _looked_ at Shirou before now. So when Shirou unleashed a pair of midnight black wings for a brief moment, he put his hand to his face in exasperation.

"A Devil. So that's how you were able to beat that sword-wielding idiot into the ground. So that's your plan? Turning me into your Knight?"

"Worth a try, and it means that if it works I get some really powerful people as members of my Peerage," said Shirou.

"Hmm...service to a fake priest, or to a devil. Kid, how many pieces do you have?"

"I've only used the Pawn until this point," admitted Shirou.

"If my previous Master is still alive, could you revive her?"

"There are limits, but if she's willing then yes."

Shirou went outside and had Lancer stand in the middle of a very old magic circle that had sprung up when he had tossed Lancer the Knight piece. In the center was a crest, though Shirou had only seen it once before, when he turned his dad into a pawn, shortly after he realized Kiritsugu wasn't breathing.

There were limits to resurrecting someone that way, and there were only a set number of pieces that couldn't be brought back once used up, but the fact was that Shirou hadn't thought twice about bringing his dad back.

Lancer felt a slight burning as the power of the Command Seals over him were destroyed. Kirei definitely felt something as well, because he made a last ditch effort to forcibly summon him.

But the power of a corrupted priest was no match for something like a Devil. Especially if it was a pure blood.

It was actually very liberating, being freed from that damn priest...even if it meant he was now a Devil's Servant.

Lancer could see his newly formed wings, and he didn't feel an iota of guilt for agreeing to this.

"Lancer, while I'm summoning my Servant, I want you to find your original Master. If they are still alive, I'll make the same offer I made you. If they died very recently, like within the past day or so, I can still revive them as a Piece. Any longer than that, and we'll at least give them a proper burial depending on their customs."

"You got it kid. You're definitely a more decent person than that fake priest was."

Lancer took off, feeling as if a great burden had been removed from his back.

"Now...what was that summoning spell again? Oh yeah, now I remember..." said Shirou to himself.

It was going to be a long, _long_ night.


	2. Chapter 2

Lancer returned five hours later...with a severely wounded woman who was missing an arm. She was very low on blood, and near death's door. Only a single, quickly fading rune was keeping her alive.

Shirou went to work, while his Servant watched on curiously. The girl had been openly insulted when he asked if she was King Arthur, stating she'd sooner gouge the King's eyes out than be reminded of her.

Which made Shirou suspect that this was Mordred, rather than Arturia.

If it was, then he was definitely happy with the Servant he summoned. He might have tried to kill Arturia if he had summoned her.

Saber tensed upon seeing Lancer, but the moment Shirou helped carry the injured woman into another room before having Lancer get the medical supplies to at least stop the bleeding, he or she relaxed.

(It was hard to tell gender with that armor.)

Shirou only relaxed when he was sure she wouldn't bleed out.

"Is she going to make it?" asked Lancer, concerned.

"It might be touch and go, but with the wound properly bandaged and with some rest, she might pull through. If you want you can share the room with her to keep an eye and make sure she doesn't bleed out anymore."

"What is going on here?" demanded Saber.

"Food first, then we'll talk," said Shirou.

* * *

 _Some time later..._

"I see. You're a Devil raised as a Magus, and you were accidentally chosen. And your adopted father knew mine."

"When Fuji-nee gets here demanding food, tell her your father worked with mine a while back and that you decided to drop in since you knew he used to live in the area. It's more or less the truth without dragging her into this mess," sighed Shirou.

"And Lancer?"

"Once she sees that woman in the spare room, she won't ask too many questions. Now I have a question for you. Are you Mordred?"

He had explained about the Holy Sword Project earlier, mostly so that Saber wouldn't be surprised by his memories. About the only shock Saber had was that someone had been stupid enough to make copies using their fragments.

"I'm surprised you were able to ascertain my identity so quickly," said Saber.

"You fit the general description my dad gave of _his_ Servant, but you were openly insulted when I asked if you were Arturia. So the only logical conclusion is that you're Mordred. Which actually makes me happy, since I was hoping I wouldn't summon that stuck up prude anyway," said Shirou.

Lancer choked after hearing Shirou openly call one of the most famous Celtic heroes a 'stuck-up prude'.

Mordred's smile was full of teeth.

"I think we'll get along perfectly, Master."

"Shirou is fine."

"Lord Shirou, then," said Mordred.

Somehow, he had the feeling this was a fight he wouldn't be winning, so he let it slide.

"So, _Lord_ Shirou, what's your plan for the Holy Grail Wars?" asked Lancer, grinning. Shirou scowled at the name, but didn't bother to correct it.

"We're going to scout out the competition. If there are any Servants worth converting into Evil Pieces, or Masters for that matter, I'll offer them a place. If they don't want to, or they oppose us... we'll annihilate them. Kiritsugu attacked the Grail last time with Arturia when he found out the thing was corrupted to the point it would destroy everything if anyone used it, so there's no point fighting over it," said Shirou flatly.

Mordred smirked.

"I like it. It's a clear, concise plan and leaves plenty of ways for us to adjust. It also shows that you're not afraid to rid yourself of those who would oppose us," said Mordred in approval.

Shirou's only interest in this war was to add to his Peerage. He had no interest in the Grail itself.

The irony was that the whole Servant system left the Servants themselves wide open to being converted into Devils. Zelretch's notes on the Evil Piece system (which had been helpfully taped to the bottom of the chess board itself) were very clear.

He couldn't convert gods in pieces. However, Divine Servants (like say, Herakles or Tamamo-no-Mae) weren't actually gods. They were fragments of the originals shoved into a class and made to fight in the war. Which meant it was fully possible for him to convert them into Devils.

Just look at Lancer, the Irish Child of Light! He was half god himself, but he was easily turned into Shirou's first Knight.

"So, do you have any ideas who you want for your Peerage?" asked Lancer.

"I have my eyes on a possible Bishop. As for your former Master, I'd be willing to offer her a place as one of the Pawns. I had to use one already to save Kiritsugu," said Shirou.

"Isn't Pawn the weakest piece though?" asked Lancer.

"Idiot. Pawns have the ability to be promoted," said Mordred.

"Saber is right. A Pawn can be promoted into any piece save the King once inside enemy territory. In the case of an Evil Piece, that means it can feasibly take on the characteristics of any of the other Evil Pieces. Speed, Defense, Strength, Support, or in the case of the Queen, it can take on all of the characteristics of the other types."

"Eh, I don't get complicated crap like that. Just aim me at someone you want dead or is fun to fight and I'll be happy," said Lancer.

"In the meantime, we should start preparing for those who aren't interested in joining us," said Shirou. "Though something tells me Berserker and his Mistress will be difficult until things are cleared up. Which reminds me, I should probably make a call to get things rolling."

"What things?" asked Saber.

"He didn't want to get caught up a second time, so he asked me to call once the last Servant was summoned. Mostly because he suspected that the von Einzbern representative would be someone he has been trying very hard to retrieve for some time, before he faked his death."

Shirou retrieved his cell, which Kiritsugu insisted he get once he had enough money saved up. It wasn't one of the newer ones, but it was fairly modern in comparison.

There were only a few numbers saved on it, as he didn't really have many people to talk to, and those he did he generally spoke with using the land line.

Within a few moments, the line connected.

" _Has the last one been summoned?"_

Kiritsugu was never one to waste time.

"I have summoned Mordred. Also, it looks like our theory that Servants could be converted into Pieces was correct. I've turned the Lancer that was summoned into a Knight," said Shirou.

" _Mordred? I suppose your disdain for Arturia coupled with your heritage might have caused the divergence. Considering you have_ that _, you would have summoned someone from the Arthurian legends regardless."_

"That?" asked Shirou suspiciously.

" _Its not important. But you'll have to register at the Church to officially be recognized as a Master. Or you could just call and inform them. Considering who runs the Church, I'd go with a phone call."_

Kiritsugu long suspected Kirei Kotomine to be the one behind Shirou's forced participation in that project. He was empty enough that he wouldn't think twice about abducting a child, especially considering he had adopted Shirou. However he had yet to find any proof that Kotomine knew of his relationship with Shirou, or if it had been purely random.

"I'll call later, once Taiga leaves. Be sure to pick up when I call again, because I'll try to contact the von Einzbern Master. If it is Illya, I'll stall long enough to call you."

Kiritsugu said nothing, but rather hung up. There was nothing he needed to say about his estranged daughter, who would have been poisoned against him and Shirou by her grandfather.

All he could hope was that she didn't kill him before he had a chance to call Kiritsugu. The sound of his voice might be shock enough to get her to listen to reason.

One quick phone call and he was registered as a participant. He hated Churches anyway after the project, and the one in town gave him a foul feeling to begin with.

Sakura didn't come over, which worried him. Taiga did, but she was easy enough to handle. She bought the story about "Morgan" (which had Mordred scowl at the name) and didn't ask questions about Lancer when she found his former Master Bazette unconscious in one of the rooms. Obviously Shirou took them in when he found out about Bazette.

* * *

Bazette woke to a Japanese-style room, with her wounds freshly bandaged and under a warm blanket. But the thing that caught her attention was the man beside her.

"Lancer?"

"Oh good, you're finally awake. Don't try to sit up just yet. He doesn't really have proper chairs for you to lean against, and you lost a lot of blood."

"...He?"

"Is she awake?" asked a voice. In walked in a boy with amber eyes and red hair the color of fire.

Bazette tried and failed to sit up.

"Easy. You were on death's door when Lancer found you."

Her eyes narrowed on his right hand. He noticed where she was looking and sighed.

"Before you freak out, I have no intention of bothering to go after a corrupt Grail. Consider this neutral territory, since I took in Lancer knowing who he was. And I don't poison my food either, so you should eat something."

Bazette cautiously tried the stew in his hand. It was difficult to eat with only one hand. But once she realized it really wasn't poisoned, she ate neatly and quickly. She could already feel her strength coming back.

Shirou allowed her to finish in peace. With renewed strength (and the help of Lancer) she was able to hobble to the dining room. There she saw a Servant, but it paid her no attention.

Clearly he wasn't kidding about the house being neutral territory. Normal Servants would have killed her by now.

Once she was semi-comfortably seated at the table and had a glass of hot tea in front of her, the red head spoke again.

"Lancer told us what happened at the Church. Odds are it will be difficult to defend yourself against the less scrupulous Masters with only one arm, and being weakened by your near-death experience. Which was why I'm going to offer you a chance to get even with him."

"What chance is that?" asked Bazette.

The boy set a single red-colored chess piece in front of her. It was a pawn.

"You... You're a devil aren't you?" said Bazette.

He released his wings briefly, before folding them back again.

"What's in it for you?"

"Having a second traditionally trained Magus in my peerage. Having one arm is troublesome, but I'm sure I could suffer dealing with Zelretch for a month or two in exchange for his help."

Bazette nearly choked at the name.

"Zelretch?! As in the Master of the Second Magic, the Kaleidoscope?!" she said, trying to gain some air.

"Let's just say I have his phone number for reasons I'll not go into. He's helped me out before, and the idea of screwing over the Heaven's Feel ritual until it can no longer be used should amuse him enough," said Shirou.

Turning all the Servants, or enough of them that the Grail could no longer form, would definitely amuse Zelretch. If enough Servants became "Pieces", then there was no way for the war to continue and it would be held off indefinitely. No one would have to die, and he would be able to fill his peerage with powerful fighters.

From there he could enter the Underworld's Ranking matches and hopefully find his birth family. If not, he could make enough of a name for himself to find some way of fulfilling Kiritsugu's dream.

Shirou took out his cell, and dialed a number he hoped to avoid if possible.

" _Interesting you should call me_ now _of all times...Emiya-kun,"_ said the amused vampire.

"Yeah, yeah. I have an idea that might pique your interest, fang-face. A way to stall the Fifth war permanently long enough for a way to be found to dismantle it. If nothing else it'll piss off the fairies and the worms, never mind what the jewels will say when they find out what I've done," said Shirou.

" _Do tell,"_ said Zelretch, interested now.

"I have someone missing an arm. I've already acquired the Lance, but I might need some help convincing the mad dog and his master to join up later."

Zelretch laughed.

" _I see! I see! How amusing! I shall come personally to watch the fireworks when that tsundere realizes what you've done! To say nothing of the...upgrade I could give your soon-to-be Bishop!"_ said Zelretch.

"I thought this might catch your interest."

Shirou hung up.

"Hey Saber, you up for a walk?"

"What sort of walk?"

"The kind that leaves us exposed enough to lure a mad dog and his red-eyed Master," said Shirou.

"You're trying to lure Berserker into a trap?!" said Bazette, incredulous.

"It'll give you time to think over my offer, and gives me a chance to snag a powerful Rook. Saber's already agreed to take the Queen later," said Shirou. "Besides, if this works then it'll get under the skin of the von Einzberns and save my adopted sister in the same move."

Shirou winced.

"If the worst happens, I can always teleport Saber and myself out of there," said Shirou.

It was one of the spells Zelretch had left taped to the bottom of the chess board. Only the most _basic_ of devil spells, but ones he would have learned anyway once he went to the Underworld.

* * *

Shirou's trick was simple. He went for a walk, circumventing the Matou mansion (he could tell that Sakura was likely summoning her own Servant) and keeping himself well exposed for Illyasviel to find him.

It took two hours, but she eventually lost patience and came to him. He wasn't stupid enough to barge into her strong hold. That was just rude.

"Hello, Onii-san," said Illya in a cute manner. If he wasn't aware she had Herakles as Berserker waiting for her command, he _might_ have bought it.

Instead of saying anything, he calmly took out a cell phone.

"You do know how to use one of these, right?" he asked, holding it out.

Illya blinked.

"Of course I do! You type the numbers and hit the green button!"

"What about speed dial?" asked Shirou patiently.

"Hit a number and send," she said, as if explaining to an idiot. She was a video-game addict, enough said.

"Hit 2 and press send. Someone's been waiting a very long time to speak to you," said Shirou, handing it over.

Illya took it cautiously. When she found no spells on it, she humored him. It wasn't like he would live if he was trying something. One word from her and he'd be paste.

A few moments later, and the call connected. What happened next would shatter everything around her.

" _Hello, Illya."_

She nearly dropped the phone.

"...Daddy?"

" _It's me. I had to avoid Fuyuki just in case the Grail thought it would be funny to rope me in as a Master again, but I left Shirou in charge of making contact with you."_

"How do I know this isn't a trick?" asked Illya to Shirou.

"What do you know of Devils?" asked Shirou.

"They like to turn humans with special powers into pieces, and they can't enter holy grounds without feeling some pain," said Illya flatly.

Her jaw dropped when Shirou flashed his wings. Suddenly it all clicked into place.

"He's an Evil Piece now isn't he?" she asked.

"Yes. And I promised him I'd give you a chance to live past this farce of a war, free of the von Einzbern's plans for you," said Shirou.

"What about Berserker?" asked Illya, eyes narrowing.

"I still have most of my Evil Pieces, save for one of the Pawns and a Knight. I was thinking of turning him into a Rook," admitted Shirou. "Can you imagine how pissed off your grandfather would be if he found out the war was permanently put into a stalemate because of me?"

Illya smirked.

"And what in it for you?"

"I save my sister, I piss off a lot of idiots, and I put an end to a farce of a war without nearly as many casualties as the last one. Besides, this is the perfect way to fill up my Peerage," said Shirou shrugging.

Illya looked at the phone.

"Can I borrow this?" she asked.

"Feel free. I still have a Bishop position open if you're interested," said Shirou.

"I'll contact you soon," said Illya. She wanted to have a long overdue talk with her father.


	3. Chapter 3

When Sakura came over for dinner the next day, she paused when she realized there was more than Taiga there.

It didn't take a genius to figure out that two of them were Servants. Shirou made no moves against her. Instead he acted as though everything was normal.

Right up until they were relatively alone cooking dinner.

"So... which one did you summon?" asked Shirou.

"I don't know what you mean, sempai."

"The blond is Saber. The blue haired one is Lancer. And Zelretch said he'd be coming in to watch the sparks fly once my plan to derail the war is put into action. I'd be willing to help you and your Servant come out of this," said Shirou.

"...Zelretch as in the Wizard Marshal Zelretch?" asked Sakura.

"What I'm planning to do won't go over well with a lot of people, especially your grandfather. I can give you a day, but the point is you won't have to return home again once Zelretch gets here in the morning."

Sakura didn't have to think twice about it. If given the choice between her grandfather and Shirou, she'd go with the person who hadn't abused her for _years_ and actually treated her like a human being.

"What do you want me to do?"

"I'll tell you once Taiga leaves. Where's your Servant?"

"Shinji has her, but if you kill him I won't hold it against you."

"I'll keep that in mind. Not like I'll lose any sleep if that headache was dealt with permanently," said Shirou with a perfectly calm smile on his face. He _never_ liked Shinji.

* * *

 _The next morning..._

Zelretch took Sakura aside for a few hours. She had already begged off school claiming she wasn't feeling well. Taiga noticed she looked a little pale, so she allowed it.

When Shirou returned, she looked much better and a lot happier.

By dinner, Shirou was up a Bishop and an ally. Bazette didn't want to cut ties to her family (which _would_ happen if she became a Devil)...but she could handle being his Magus contact with the Enforcers.

She would stick around to see how this war ended, but for now she had nothing to do with Shirou's plan.

About the only good thing in her mind to have come out of this was that Shirou had no issues with Lancer dating her when he wasn't on assignment. Considering she always had a crush on Cuchulain, this was a major bonus.

"So what was the upgrade Zelretch gave you?" asked Shirou later.

"Ah. I better not say. All I can tell you is that if Rin finds out I have this she's going to go ballistic with fury."

Shirou ran through that explanation, before a sudden thought occurred to him.

"Kaleidostick?" he guessed.

Sakura nodded.

"In lieu of a Sacred Gear. It's called Sapphire, and he'll give Ruby to Illyasviel if she chooses to join," said Sakura.

"...Is it a bad thing that I intend to get as much amusement from mocking Rin as I can with this?" asked Shirou.

Something about getting Rin to blow up when she realized the reality of what was going on only made his plan seem even more fun, and he didn't understand why. He didn't even _like_ Rin that much!

Well more than he did Shinji, but he loathed that idiot so it was hard to not put others above him.

"It means you've spent far too much time around the Wizard Marshal, and I will laugh at any misery she causes you in return," deadpanned Bazette, drinking her tea.

"Ditto," said Lancer.

"She's a tsundere from what I heard. How could I not mock her?" asked Shirou.

"Sempai is indeed a brave man," said Sakura.

"Suicidal is more like it," said Lancer, snickering.

"Not like her Archer spirit could beat me," said Mordred smugly.

Suddenly the phone rang.

Shirou picked it up...and it was Illya.

"Yeah, we're here. This _is_ neutral territory, so if you did bring him, he's not allowed to destroy anything. Oh, and I should probably warn you there's a pain in the ass sitting drinking tea with Saber and Lancer. No, not dangerous, just extremely irritating to the point you'd punch him in the face eventually for getting on your nerves. What the hell makes you think I'd ever invite that pansy _Shinji_ into the house for tea?!"

Sakura snickered.

Shirou looked irritated.

"No, I just have an annoying vampire who lives to make other people's lives hell for his own entertainment here. He might have mentioned that if you show up you might get something without having to suffer his usual humor," said Shirou.

He looked at the phone.

"She hung up on me."

"I bet you a hundred yen she's going to hurry over to see if Zelretch really is here," said Lancer snickering.

* * *

 _Fifteen minutes later..._

"NO WAY! He's actually _here_?!" said Illya, pointing at Zelretch.

"Told you," said Lancer smugly.

"How the _hell_ did you get on the good side of _him_?" said Illya in disbelief.

"It's a long story that culminates in the simple fact I could care less if he throws me into a world full of magical girls trying to help me overcome my past trauma and trying to jump me at the same time," deadpanned Shirou.

It had happened more than once. Frankly he'd be thrilled once he had a proper Peerage, because they could shield him from _that_ headache.

On the plus side, he learned most of his cooking recipes from those places.

Once she was over her shock, Illya looked at Shirou.

"I have thought over your proposal, and I accept. Being a Bishop to someone like you is preferable to ending up dead by the end of the ritual," said Illya. "Besides if I join you, then I don't risk losing Berserker."

"Excellent! But first, perhaps a little upgrade is in order before you become a Devil!" said Zelretch far too cheerfully.

"What sort of upgrade?" said Illya.

"The same one I got," deadpanned Sakura, showing her new 'toy'. She didn't care about the somewhat embarrassing magical girl transformation. As long as she became more useful to Shirou, it was worth it.

Illya perked up at such a useful tool.

By the end of the night, Shirou was up two Bishops, and one Rook. It still hadn't gotten interesting enough for Mordred to become "Queen".

"So what now?" said Shirou.

"I'm moving in here," said Illya flatly. Kiritsugu might be returning in a few days, and she wasn't about to miss him.

"How many?" asked Shirou tiredly. He needed to adjust the budget.

"Myself, Sella and Leysritt. So four, if you include Berserker."

"Our food budget is about to go through the roof," said Sakura.

"I know," said Shirou tiredly. Then he perked up. "But imagine Rin's face finding out there's a pair of actual magical girls running around using magecraft in the name of 'love' and 'justice'."

"Who's Rin?" asked Illya dangerously.

"Someone who doesn't watch anime or read manga, and is more interested in traditional Magus studies. And from what I recall a total tsundere. Feel free to irritate her to your heart's content," said Shirou.

"How do you know that?" asked Bazette.

"He (Shirou hooked a thumb at an amused Zelretch) dumped me in a parallel world where Illya here was still living with her parents, her maids and myself and forced me to endure a full _year_ of being stuck in there before returning me home. Unfortunately I became _very_ familiar with Rin and Luvia, as I was stuck in the Emiya home before he came to annoy them. As such I'm also familiar with Ruby and Sapphire. Before I forget, you two are the reason why I put locks on the bathroom," said Shirou to the Kaleidosticks.

" _Aw, you're no fun at all,"_ complained Ruby.

"You'll get plenty of opportunities for the cliché bathroom scenes once this war is put into permanent hold and we've moved from Fuyuki," deadpanned Shirou.

Illya from that world had gotten him hooked on anime and manga, enough said. Well, her and Kuro anyway. And from there Taiga got him firmly hooked on video games. Since he wasn't a "normal magus", there was no reason to do more than delve lightly into the basics.

Illya perked up at the idea of annoying the Tohsaka girl. Something about the idea made her cackle evilly in anticipation, especially since there was almost _no_ chance of her becoming part of the Peerage.

Her Servant was still up in the air though.

* * *

Shirou took one step into the school grounds and nearly recoiled in disgust. The smell that pervaded the air reeked of blood and madness. Sakura barely paused in her stride.

"You can feel it too, Sempai?"

"The scent is too strong. It's making me nauseous," said Shirou, acting normally to avoid suspicion.

"This feels too corrupt to be Tohsaka and Illya wouldn't target you so indirectly."

"What about Rider?"

"I don't know. We'll find out soon enough once we've dealt with nii-san," said Sakura.

"Thank you for reminding me. Can you put up a barrier while I express to him in _many_ ways how I feel about the headache he left me a few nights ago and how _pleasant_ I can make his life if he returns your Servant to you post haste?"

Sakura's smile would have terrified anyone else, particularly if they heard what Shirou just said.

"Absolutely Sempai. We won't be disturbed at all while you _express_ yourself in more than words. Feel free to speak to him to your hearts content."

* * *

 _After school hours..._

Shinji had been lured to the roof with the pretext of being given an alliance with Saber's Master. The moment he saw Shirou there, Shinji tried to run, but Sakura had firmly locked the door from the inside and had already prepared a sound and visual barrier during lunch.

Shirou cracked his knuckles with a pleasant smile on his face.

"Emiya-kun, we can talk this out!"

"I had the most _fascinating_ encounter thanks to you Shinji. A man with a lance who was fully prepared to kill me because you had to take your sweet time cleaning the club. If not for the archer that happened to become the target of my ire, I would have ended up dead because of your stupidity," said Shirou, his smile never once leaving his face.

Shinji started to back away in terror. When Shirou was pissed, _no one_ wanted to be on the wrong side of it. He got _creative_ when it came to punishments.

Yes, he was considered the unofficial school janitor because he was unfailingly nice and polite...but when he got angry, no one wanted to be the target.

Some said it was the kidnapping that caused the sudden change in his dream from 'hero' to 'avenger'...

 _Twenty minutes of meaningless violence and dangling Shinji off the school roof later..._

The terrified fake Magus had already pissed himself halfway through his punishment. Rider could do nothing, considering Shirou had long since confiscated the Book of the False Attendant from him.

"Here's how things are going to go down, Shinji. You're going to tell that grandfather of yours that Sakura is off-limits and is never returning to the mansion. You are not to lay another hand on her again, or else I'll make what I did today seem like a pleasant memory."

Shinji whimpered.

"Oh, and before you get any ideas of using your family magecraft against me later..." said Shirou ominously.

There was the sense of absolute _death_ around Shirou. As if attacking him would only end in his destruction, and not in a very quick manner.

Shinji voided his bowels a second time in fear.

"Glad we have that straightened out."

"Monster!" shouted Shinji.

Shirou paused at the door, before a terrifying smile came upon his face.

"The correct term is _devil_ ," said Shirou turning to face him. Shinji tried to scoot away in fear, but was in too much pain to do so.

The door closed.

"DAMMIT! Damn you to hell and back, Emiya!" shouted Shinji when he could move again.

* * *

 _In the dining room..._

"That boy seemed quite terrified of you, Lord Shirou. I approve," said Mordred.

"Sempai has changed a lot since he was younger, from what Taiga has said."

"How so?"

"I used to believe in saving everyone, but that was changed to saving only those who deserve to be saved," said Shirou from where he was doing the dishes.

"What changed?" asked Lancer.

"I found someone who gave me a reason to kill a human. If not for that man, my friends would still be alive. It's also the reason I'll never trust the Church," said Shirou.

"Heh. Sounds about right. Having a purpose (reason to kill) has changed many an idealist," said Lancer, sipping his booze.

"Hehehehe... You've amused me enough so far that I'll give you something good. The man who started _that_ project will be in Kuoh town after the war. All you have to do is wait for him to appear to challenge the resident Devils with his pet exorcist. You might even score some interesting pieces, if you haven't used up all of yours before then," said Zelretch.

"Why is he still here anyway?" asked Bazette. She was getting used to the new arm, but it was better than being one handed.

"One word: Rin."

"Rin and her Servant actually. I want to see if you can steal Archer, despite who he is."

"Why do I have the feeling this is going to be headache worthy even though I pretty much stole Rider back from Shinji?" asked Shirou. Zelretch merely cackled, confirming his suspicions. "Ass."

"So why did you steal Rider?" asked Mordred.

"To confirm whether or not she was in fact the one who set up that barrier around the school. Since we now know she wasn't, that means we need to deal with Caster promptly. I don't like leaving a Magus who can summon an Assassin Servant to her own devices for too long. She's a bigger threat than Berserker, and that was before I converted him."

"That being said, I'd rather be a familiar to Sakura than a Rook," deadpanned Rider.

"Familiar?" said Shirou.

"You really don't know anything about Devils, do you?" said Rider amused.

"Not really."

"I'll give her the spell. Personally I want to see if you turn Archer into your familiar once he makes his move," said Zelretch amused. Wouldn't that be hilarious, Archer being turned into a familiar of his Devil self! The look on his face!

"Why do I have the feeling you're pranking someone?" asked Shirou.

"The one who saddled you with that luck curse. The one you pounded the face into the ground."

"In that case, carry on," said Shirou flatly. Any humiliation for that ass was entirely worth it!


	4. Chapter 4

"You are either the most suicidal person I've ever met, or the most insane. That being said, I don't appreciate being used as a bartering tool."

"From what I heard it's just a little harmless cosplay, and it something _her_ pride would never allow her to try," said Shirou.

And that was the only reason she'd be willing to try it.

"Hold. What business do you have in the temple?" said Assassin.

"An offer for your Master. One that would allow them to possibly remain without constantly draining innocent victims...with a bonus."

It took ten minutes for Caster to appear, rather smug. Confirming It was Medea, Shirou relaxed.

"And what does Saber's Master want with me?"

"A chance to live out your life with your boyfriend and the opportunity to indulge in your cosplay hobby with Saber," deadpanned Shirou.

Caster was caught flat-footed.

"What?"

"I know Zelretch, and with the way things are going I'm going to end up derailing the entire war anyway. So if I turn you into one of my Peerage along with your boyfriend, you won't have to drain people in order to sustain yourself and your Servant," said Shirou.

"...What gives you the authority to offer something like that?" asked Caster slowly.

Shirou unfurled his wings. Under the moonlight it was pretty damn obvious what he was.

"I still have a few Evil Pieces left, and I've already converted Lancer and Berserker into my Knight and Rook respectively. It's pretty difficult to complete the Grail if someone is 'stealing' all the Servants and making them alive again," said Shirou.

Caster stared at him, before she slowly thought that one over. Converting Servants sounded far more effective than humans, and it meant he didn't have to train them up from the start. Still, there was some hesitation about the idea.

"Just so we're clear, I've agreed to let Lancer date his original Master and I have no issues allowing you and your boyfriend to act as a paired unit, with Assassin here as your familiar," said Shirou. "So long as you help with the Rating games and filling evil contracts, I could care less what the two of you get up to so long as it doesn't come back to me."

"Deal," said Caster.

Shirou holds up a mutation piece. A Pawn, to be exact.

"I figure you don't want to be one of the Pieces known for brute strength and defense, since both my Bishops are taken. However this can be promoted to any piece save 'King', so it shouldn't make too much of a difference."

He had two mutation Pawns, which were apparently very rare. He didn't know where Zelretch got the set he gave Shirou, nor did he really care. Likely he had stolen it off some Devil in the past to annoy them, or for a quick laugh.

In order to keep things civil, he performed the ceremony to turn people into "Pieces" inside the temple. Caster could feel the difference immediately. She seemed to sag in relief.

"Thank you."

"Like I said, not my problem if you marry your boyfriend, and this way you can tell any gods you meet where to stuff it. Coincidentally... could you remove the barrier you have around the high school? The smell is really bothering me," said Shirou.

"Now that I don't need it, it'll be taken down by morning," agreed Caster, before an odd look came across her face. "Smell?"

"Lord Shirou perceives magecraft as 'scent'," explained Mordred.

"...That is going to be fascinating to play around with. Most pick it up on a different level. I've never heard of a magus _smelling_ magic," said Caster, lips quirking upwards.

"Is your boyfriend here? I still have a normal Pawn piece for him to use," said Shirou.

He managed to keep his face impassive when he saw his History teacher.

"...I'm not even going to ask how you got caught up in this. Just keep the headaches to a minimum please," said Shirou.

"I'm surprised at you, Emiya-kun. Coming into enemy territory and confronting a dangerous opponent with only minimal aid."

"I have it on good authority that the Fifth Grail War is pretty much going to be rendered null and void anyway when I'm done collecting Pieces, and I just needed to confirm it was in fact Medea who had been summoned. Besides, this means I can borrow Rule Breaker to ruin Archer's day if I have to," said Shirou vindictively.

"And Assassin?"

"This way he can walk around the city and go shopping so you two have more time together," deadpanned Shirou. Caster blushed.

"Oh, and Saber agreed to act as dress up doll so long as you remember to feed her properly," said Shirou, as if remembering something.

Hearing Caster squeal in delight (she had a thing for Saber, even if it was Mordred and not Arturia) Shirou knew he had acquired a permanent ally.

After all, Caster had a hobby of making clothes for Saber (according to Zelretch) and watching her from afar.

* * *

Rin paused at the entrance to the school.

"That can't be right. It couldn't possibly be taken down that quickly...or as thoroughly..." she muttered to herself.

She had been close by and never saw anyone near the school. And yet the barrier was completely dismantled as if it had never been there in the first place. Even Archer was confused.

That confusion would quickly turn to shock when she got to class. She normally didn't pay much attention to the other students, save for Sakura, but she knew something was up when she heard about a 'cute, foreign transfer' one class over.

It wouldn't do to ruin her perfect student image, so she had to wait until lunch to track down this newest development.

Morgan Dracule (obviously a fake name) was a rather strange girl? Boy? It was hard to tell.

Her cover story was that one of her ancestors had been so fascinated with the book " _Dracula"_ that they changed their surname to "Dracule" to reflect it. And despite all their efforts, their attempts to change it back were met with no success. So they made a habit of changing their last name to reflect their spouse to avoid being reminded of the fact.

However, just by looking at her, you could tell the truth...if you were a Master that is.

Morgan Dracule was a Servant. A high class, very powerful Servant.

So what in the name of everything holy was she doing acting like a normal student?!

Rin followed "Morgan" for hours after school, occasionally using Archer to keep track of her.

So it was only natural she'd fight like a wet cat thrown into a cold bath when someone grabbed her from behind.

"Nice one, Caster," said a familiar voice.

It was that damn red head from earlier! The one who beat Archer into a bloody mess!

"You...!"

"Now, now Tohsaka-san... there's no need to cast any spells yet... not that you could with Caster here. Or Rider. Or even that weak Assassin that was summoned."

"Hey," said a long purple haired man with very traditional clothing.

"Face it Assassin... if I hadn't made that agreement with Caster you'd be stuck guarding that gate against attacks that would never come unless Tohsaka decided to try and figure out if Caster was behind the lack of action in this ridiculous farce of a tournament."

"..."

Shirou had a point. If he hadn't made that agreement (and subsequent transformation into Devils), he'd still be stuck guarding that damn gate. Being allowed to walk around was a novelty at this point.

"What the hell is going on, Emiya?"

"I regret to inform you that the Grail War has been postponed. Indefinitely."

"WHAT?!" shrieked not only Rin, but Archer as well.

Both of them whipped their heads towards the sound of amused chuckling, and Archer swore rather impressively when he recognized the source.

"Zelretch. This is your doing, isn't it?!" he snarled.

"Outside of Emiya-kun being informed of his true heritage and passing on something I borrowed from an old friend of mine in the Underworld, I did nothing. Emiya ruined the Heaven's Feel all on his own," cackled Zelretch.

"What. Did. You. Do?!" hissed Rin, much like a very pissed off cat.

"I stole every Servant save for yours. If there are no Servants, then the Grail can't manifest. And if the Servants have already been summoned, then they only way to manifest is if someone summons 'extra' Servants, all weaker than the original seven. If it can't manifest, then it can't disappear for sixty years and restart the entire war. In short, I've effectively found a loophole in forcing the entire war to be put on hold indefinitely. No fighting, no deaths, just simple theft," said Shirou smugly.

"Bullshit! No human could sustain _six_ Servants on their own, especially one as prana-intensive as Saber or Caster!" said Rin.

"What part of the _only_ 'Servant' left in this farce of a war is Archer did you not get?" asked Shirou, cocking his head in mock confusion.

"If they're not Servants, then what are they?" asked Archer, catching on first.

"I'm so glad you asked that!" said Shirou far too pleased with himself.

Rin swore rather strongly when she saw all the black wings around her.

Devils. This cheeky bastard of a Devil had clearly turned all the Servants into his Peerage! Which unfortunately made far too much sense. It was well known that Devils couldn't 'turn' full gods or anything with Divinity, but Servants were basically fragments of the originals stuffed inside a 'Class' and summoned to fight. They had a fraction of the real thing, and thus were vulnerable to being turned into Devils.

Rin had to admit, it was a brilliant way to gain powerful Evil Pieces and it was somewhat shocking that none of the older Devil families had thought of something like this sooner. Then she realized something.

Kirei should have _known_ there was a Devil nearby if he had done his job correctly, and disposed of it before it got to this point. Or at the very least chased this smug bastard out years ago.

She knew then and there she had a new target to aim her ire at, if only because she wasn't suicidal enough to go after a Devil who had obviously stolen every Servant except Archer for his Peerage.

* * *

 _The next morning, at Kotomine Church..._

If the church had any real parishioners, they would have been in for a shock in the wee hours of the morning.

Rin Tohsaka was on the warpath, and her target was Kirei. All the crap he put her through as a child and the idiot couldn't even do his damn job right! Archer chose the coward's way out and stayed at just the right distance to watch the fireworks unfold. Though he was just as unhappy as Rin was, for different reasons.

Kirei took one look at Rin, and knew she was pissed off about something.

"Come to seek my advice?" he said with the expression on his face that always grated on her.

Imagine his confusion and shock when Rin charged up her Finn Shot instead.

"You annoying, insufferable, incompetent priest!" she shrieked at him, blasting at him with her magic.

Kirei managed to duck the first one, but not the second. He shrugged it off though.

"What has gotten into you today?" he asked, more than a bit perplexed at her sudden anger towards him.

"There's a _Devil_ on my land, and that smug bastard had the nerve to tell me he's already _STOLEN_ all the Servants in the War!" she shouted at him.

Kirei looked at her in disbelief.

"There aren't any Devils in Fuyuki. I would have sensed it if there were. And it's impossible to steal Servants. It would take an extraordinary amount of power to fuel more than one, and I haven't seen enough deaths to prove it," he informed her.

Rin's scream of rage-fueled fury filled the church as she started yelling at the fake priest.

"It's possible to steal them if a _Devil_ converts them into Pieces! And when were you going to warn me that _ZELRETCH_ was in Fuyuki! Surely you should have NOTICED such a powerful Dead Apostle in the city! He's less than three miles from the Church!"

Kirei paled noticeably. Even _he_ had heard of that infamous Dead Apostle ancestor. No one sane would want to challenge someone who quite literally held up the moon once.

As Rin vented her anger towards the one who should have been doing his job, Gilgamesh took one look at what was happening inside and chose the smart option.

He found a spot next to Archer (who had brought snacks) to watch the fireworks. If Kirei couldn't defend himself against an angry, hormonal teenage Magus, then he didn't want to know him.

"What brought this on?"

"She just found out that there's a Devil in Fuyuki who's converted almost every Servant in the war into Evil Pieces, and she's pissed because if Kirei had been doing his job he would have noticed the devil before this happened," Archer informed him.

Gilgamesh blinked.

"There's a Devil here?"

"And Zelretch, apparently," said Archer dryly.

"Right. I'm definitely not going inside then," said Gilgamesh. It was too much fun to watch Kirei suffer from Rin's wrath.

That, and the twin-tailed Magus had a lot of pent up rage and frustration towards the Priest, and was likely venting it on the one person she perceived as the reason why nothing had gone right in this war.

* * *

Unknown to the already irate Rin, she was being watched. Caster somehow managed to hook up her crystal ball with the help of Zelretch to Shirou's flat-screen TV.

Sakura, Illya and Mordred were all cheering on Rin, while inwardly cackling at the fact that they were the reason she was so angry in the first place.

Being able to watch a genuine Tsundere rampage without being on the receiving end of it was hilarious. Good thing Zelretch also found a way to record it, so they could enjoy it for years later.

"So Shirou, now that you've poked an angry tsundere into attacking a priest, how do you plan to enter the Rating Games. You are a relative unknown after all," said Zelretch.

"I was planning on introducing you to the current Leviathan in exchange for her endorsement in the games," admitted Shirou.

Zelretch chuckled evilly.

"You really are a Devil aren't you. You're not even afraid of what I might come up with as 'payment' for helping you."

"Actually I had an idea of how to spread the chaos even more."

"Go on."

"The Fourth Grail War. Send Illya, Sakura and myself back with or without our Servants, and we'll cause untold havoc on the thing. I might even steal some more Servants just because I can, and because it'll confuse my father endlessly."

Zelretch's evil cackles almost drew the attention of the girls watching Rin go on a rampage.

"I like you boy. When you cause chaos, you don't do it in halves!" laughed Zelretch. He was clearly considering the idea, if only for the entertainment of watching Kiritsugu pull his hair out in frustration.

The headache that was Zelretch grinned.

"I'll send you back...but on one condition."

"What?"

"You have to get the two Saber Servants to fight each other at least once."

"Considering dad summoned _her_ , I don't think that will be a problem."


	5. Chapter 5

"Explain to me again how this is going to work," said Illya.

"From what Dad said, there nearest representative with the current Leviathan lives in Kuoh, three towns over. Since I want to make a name for myself in the Games, and the war here is pretty much put on hold, there's no reason to stick around. Though the house is still under my name, so it will likely be delegated to a vacation home or something."

"What's the real reason?" asked Illya.

"As funny as it is to poke fun at the Tsundere, the last thing I want to deal with is the King of Heroes coming to voice his displeasure at us ruining things. If we leave town, then we're out of Kirei's jurisdiction," said Shirou.

"I get it. You poked the wasp hive and now you're retreating a safe distance away until the Tohsaka is gone. It doesn't hurt that the priest never got a look at you because you only called to register," said Illya approvingly.

"I also used a disposable cell phone that was promptly 'donated' to a homeless shelter. The people who saw me were all hypnotized into forgetting what I look like, and what they do recall won't match my description."

"Sneaky, deceptive and ruthless. All hallmarks of a proper Magus mindset. So how do you plan to explain your sudden transfer to a new school?"

"Easy. I'll tell the school administrators I'm moving to Kuoh to be closer to my younger sister," said Shirou with a straight face.

"But Taiga already knows I'm here."

"Yeah, but she also knows you don't attend school here. All we have to do is tell her that you only came here to visit from Kuoh Academy and that you're leaving in a few days."

"...What about Sakura, Mordred and the others?" asked Illya.

"Hypnotism for Mordred, as for Sakura... well, every high school could use a good scandal every now and then right?"

Illya stared, before she snorted.

"Run away to be with her boyfriend?"

"Pretty much."

Illya started snickering.

"If not, well Rider is willing to blast the Matou mansion sky high."

"So what's this about the Fourth Grail War? I heard some of it, but not all."

"Long story short, in exchange for me introducing him to a certain Satan with a magical girl fetish, he'll drop me off with the agreement that I cause as much chaos in the Fourth War as I have by stealing all the Servants in this one. The condition being that Mordred and Arturia having at least one fight."

"So why did you ask for me as well as Sakura?"

"Sakura never got her revenge on her father. And if we put you in the Einzbern castle, you can steal the method of creating homunculi. Devils have very low birth rates, and I bet they'd pay a good deal of money to have another way to have children... especially the pure bloods."

"I get it. You're introducing surrogates and in-vitriol fertilization to them in a way that might actually work. A homunculi can be made from quite a variety of materials, and the use of devils has been successfully done before. Even if the resulting homunculi were twice as blood thirsty," said Illya in approval.

"Easy income, and we wouldn't be bored thanks to the games. We'd make a big splash in a short time, and with our Peerage it would take something pretty damn big...like one of the Satans... to actually give us trouble."

Illyasviel's smile was pure predator.

"I must admit, it's refreshing to deal with someone so open about his intentions."

"I have a goal in life, and if it means being ruthless then so be it."

Taiga was not happy. Though Shirou had the sneaking suspicion it was due to the fact that he would be moving away soon...and that meant she would be without her favorite person to mooch off of.

Kiritsugu had moved into Kuoh and gotten a similar set up prepared already. It had more than enough room for Shirou's peerage without forcing everyone to double up.

He would also put in the application for most of them into the private academy.

He had no idea that Shirou would be bringing Maiya and Irisviel back with him.

Still, she could accept that Shirou wanted to know more about his sister, even if it meant moving away for some time. At this point the main reason she'd object was because Sakura was going with him, which meant she had lost two people to mooch off of!

* * *

 _In the Matou mansion_...

Shinji was pissed. No, he was downright _livid_. First that damn Emiya stole Rider, then he stole Sakura...and now he had stolen _every_ Servant save for Tohsaka's, and that was only because he didn't like Archer for some reason!

His 'grandfather' was also furious once he overheard why there hadn't been any real fighting since Lancer and Archer went at it near the school.

Finding out the fake priest had neglected his duties long enough for a Devil to set up shop was not something he wanted to hear. As one of the creators of this particular ritual, Zouken was _very_ familiar on how vulnerable Servants were to Devils.

Not because of any flaw in the design, but simply because they were the sort of 'people' that were often targeted by Devils in the first place.

It was also becoming blatantly clear (thanks to the sudden death of his worms in the girl) that the Devil had snatched Sakura from him as well.

Which meant one of two things.

Shirou was either friends with the Devil and had made an arrangement (not likely, as Devils were notorious for being selfish), or Shirou _was_ the Devil in Fuyuki and decided to add to his Evil Pieces.

Considering the fact that the Tohsaka girl had been raging about a red-haired bastard while shooting at Kotomine, he would assume it was the latter.

Which meant he should have kept a closer eye on his only remaining heir. Shinji was barely worth keeping alive for spell components and the boy knew it.

* * *

"Where's Illya and Sakura?" asked Shirou, noticing their sudden absence at the dinner table.

"That old vampire said something about training and took them aside for a few hours," said Lancer.

Shirou had a bad feeling about this.

"Just to clarify, did the girls have Ruby and Sapphire with them?" he asked.

"I think so. Why?"

"I hate him. I hate him so much I can't even describe it. On the plus side I can torment the other Rin some more, and I'll be able to rope Luvia in as well..." said Shirou.

After being rescued, Shirou spent several months in that alternate reality. He had been put in the same class as the alter-Illya, to her confusion.

It had really weirded her out, having someone who was practically identical to her older brother in her class. He even talked the same.

Shirou went into his room and got something.

"What the heck is that? And why do you have something so..."

"I know. Zelretch has a fascination for magical girls, remember? Well he figured why not try the 'magical boy' route and it ended up looking like this."

Shirou looked horribly embarrassed, but it was really quite useful. Fortunately Zelretch had gone the 'knight' route when he designed this, so it wasn't _too_ embarrassing.

It looked like some sort of old shield, except it was too shiny to be old.

"Why a shield? I mean a sword would suit you better!" said Mordred.

"He got the idea based off yet another manga. I've read it, and it's not half bad though I somewhat feel sorry for the main character."

"What's the series called?"

" _Rise of the Shield Hero._ Basically some poor bastard gets summoned to another land, and right off the bat everyone hates him because his first companion lied and claimed he raped her...and her father's the king, so now everyone believes he's the worst sort of hero. It made him really, really cynical and unable to trust others, and the king has it out for him because of something they never fully explained."

"Why would the king have it out for him?" asked Mordred, interest piqued.

"Because he's the Shield Hero. From what I gather the king really hates the 'demi-humans', who are basically people born with animal characteristics. And the Shield Hero is supposedly their savior. I can show you the site I've been reading it on if you're interested."

"Absolutely," said Mordred, more than intrigued at such a series. She was hooked from the first chapter.

"Anyway Zelretch based my Mystic Code off his weapon, which is a shield. According to him I have some rare magic that I can unlock which negates the need for a weapon entirely."

He was still working on the aria, but for the most part he had an idea of what he had.

"So what are you going to do?"

"Annoy the hell out of Rin and Luvia. If I know Zelretch, and I do, he'll count on me following and demand I at least annoy the two of them profusely while keeping _my_ girls safe," deadpanned Shirou.

"...Sounds like something he'd demand," agreed Lancer. He had only known the Wizard Marshal for less than a month, and he already had a good judge of what his character was like.

"So you're going to wherever he dumped them, and make sure they make it back safely?" summed up Mordred.

"Exactly."

* * *

 _In alternate Fuyuki..._

Rin and Luvia were in some shock. Not only had two _other_ Kalied Magical girls appeared, but they were using the _same_ staffs that the two rivals were!

"Remind me again why we agreed to this?" said the slightly younger girl with pale hair and red eyes.

"Because that pain in the ass said that handing over the cards wasn't any fun, and we haven't exactly had a chance to train with these. Besides, it gives us the perfect chance to train in our teamwork for the Games," said the purple haired girl.

She looked almost identical to Rin's lost sister Sakura, but the hair and eyes were wrong.

"Who... Who are you two?!" demanded an irate Rin.

They turned to face them.

"Illyasviel Emiya."

"Sakura Emiya."

"...You don't look like sisters."

"We're not. She's the Mistress and I'm the heir," said Illya.

Though to be honest, being the 'heir' to the Emiya family didn't mean much of anything.

Perhaps she could blackmail Zelretch into dumping her off at the island before her paternal grandfather was killed by her father and stealing the Crest before it was scattered.

Not like the insane idiot deserved to _have_ the thing. Only fools delved into researching the apostles.

"You... What are you doing here?" demanded Luvia.

"Training, of course. That damn vampire set an extra set of cards loose and told us if we wanted to go back home we have to get them. Of course there's no conceivable way for _humans_ to fight heroic spirits."

"I'm just glad he didn't force me to leave my familiar behind. She would have been very upset."

"...Why do you have fox ears?" asked Rin finally.

"Because fox girls are cuter than snakes, according to the pain in the ass."

"And because there's already an Illya who uses this stick. This is the easiest way to differentiate myself from her," said Illyasviel... who was slightly miffed at the dog ears.

Zelretch had tried to give her cat ears, but Illya vetoed it. Fortunately Mordred agreed to wear a fake pair while she was stuck as Caster's dress up doll.

"Besides, Rin-san... shouldn't you be more worried about...that?" asked Sakura, pointing down.

It took Rin and Luvia a few seconds to realized that Ruby and Sapphire had used the opportunity to break away from their 'masters' and were now enjoying the look of shock.

It was likely their sense of timing came from Zelretch himself, because it couldn't be more perfect. The second Sakura said something both of them realized that gravity was now reasserting it's hold on them...with a vengeance.

Illya couldn't help her parting shot.

"Remember Tohsaka, Edelfelt... Just keep swimming!" she said far too cheerfully.

The other Ruby and Sapphire 'stared' at the other two.

"Have fun with your new masters. We might cross paths again, but for now we're going to enjoy a little uninterrupted flight time," said Sakura.

" _Thanks for distracting them~!"_ said Ruby cheerfully, before they flew off.

"Is it bad that I don't feel the least bit sorry for them?" asked Illya.

"Only if you think it's inappropriate for me to laugh at Rin's confusion later when she meets your alter self," said Sakura.

Illya grinned evilly.

"I take it you two are going to have fun?"

"SHIROU!" yelped both girls.

There, standing in a rather odd knight outfit, was their Shirou.

"How did you get here?"

"Long story short, I made Zelretch _pay_ for dumping me in another version of this place before he brought me back. In exchange he gets to dump me in other magical girl alters and I'll cause a ton of chaos for him to enjoy."

He had to endure horrible, cringe-worthy places just to get his Mystic Code, 'Lost Shield'. Sometimes the power-ups he got from absorbing the outdated weapons of the magical girls simply weren't worth the headache of listening to their stupid speeches and teenage-angst.

On the plus side, he now had limited access to the Kaleidoscope... only in that he could travel between worlds to a point. Because he was rather...different...from his alternate selves, he would never be able to pull out massive prana attacks by drawing on them.

"Are you here to bring us back?"

"I'm here to make sure you're settled in until you're ready to come home. Take plenty of pictures and be sure to drive the tsundere up the wall," said Shirou flatly.


	6. Chapter 6

"So where are Sakura and Illya?" asked Mordred.

"I left them to it. Odds are they'll complete their task a lot faster than the natives, since they aren't arguing all the time over the most ridiculous things, and actually _know_ what they're doing. Plus Ruby and Sapphire won't be as quick to abandon them as they did Rin and Luvia in that place."

"I see. I suppose this would qualify as good training for them both. After all, neither of them have really had a chance to practice with their new Mystic Codes since receiving them," said Mordred with approval.

"Not only that, but the familiar forest will be open tonight. I was hoping that a few of us could go in and get our own, since I finally memorized the teleportation spell to there," said Shirou.

"Weren't you planning on turning yet another Servant into a familiar, lord Shirou?" asked Mordred.

"I like to keep my options open, and this is really for the former Servants. Sakura has Rider, and Caster has Assassin, but you and Lancer don't have anything. Neither does Herakles for that matter," said Shirou.

"I see. So this is a reward for the Servants for being so reasonable. A very fitting idea, lord Shirou."

"Wait... we're allowed to get familiars?" said Lancer.

"Well yeah. So long as you take care of it, what you get is entirely up to you."

Lancer grinned at that.

* * *

"Man, this place is majorly depressing," said Lancer.

"It's the Hell. It's not supposed to be sunshine and rainbows," deadpanned a voice above. A man jumped down from above. "Newbies, right?"

"Uh, yeah. How could you tell?" asked Shirou.

"Lucky guess. You must be pretty highly ranked to come here on the full moon without an escort. Most Devils usually join their kids once they're old enough," he replied.

"Escort? I wasn't even aware there was a protocol for this sort of thing!"

"Wow, you really are a newbie. Did you just recently get your Evil Piece set too?"

"I've had mine for a few years, but it's only recently I started filling it out. Like I said, we only came here so these three could get their familiars."

"Anything in particular?"

"Canine, at least," said Lancer immediately.

"A dragon or a large cat," replied Mordred.

" **An eagle or other large bird of prey,"** said Herakles. Even with the Mad Enhancement stripped from him (a side effect of becoming a Devil and not a Berserker-class Servant) he still sounded like a rumbling avalanche when he spoke. Hence why Shirou and Illyasviel had been teaching him sign language, if only to preserve their hearing. It had been slow going, and at this point they had resorted to having him use either premade signs or quickly written ones.

The guy blinked, before he had a slow grin form.

"You've got an impressive set of Pieces kid. And they know what they want."

"Thanks. I think," said Shirou.

"Well, we're off! Since you all have such a clear idea of what you want, I can lead you to the best spots!"

"Thank you!" said Shirou honestly.

 _Four hours later..._

Everyone came out of the debacle that was familiar hunting more or less happy with their choices. Even if some of them gave Shirou nightmares on how to explain this if they appeared.

Case in point, Herakles had literally climbed the biggest mountain he could find in search of a bird...and had come down with, of all things, a _thunderbird_.

As in the mythical bird of Native American legend who's very wing beats could cause thunderstorms.

Considering he was the son of Zeus, and it would be almost impossible to find anything that could match him without accidentally getting flattened, it hadn't surprised Shirou _too_ much learning what Herakles' familiar was.

What was surprising was that Mordred had somehow found a dragon with red and black coloring. Apparently they were really, really rare.

Lancer had found some sort of spectral hound from European legends. He had heard of them, but couldn't exactly tell Shirou what they were called off the top of his head. Only that they weren't exactly the sort of spirit you'd want to run into in a dark forest.

In short, everyone was particularly happy with their new familiars...even if Herakles wasn't allowed to bring his out in public. Ever.

* * *

 _Inside the church..._

Kotomine was not happy. In fact he was downright irritated.

Not only had a Devil ruined most of his plans for the war and more or less insured that it could never reform again (or if it did, then it would be greatly weakened), but he also recognized the one responsible.

It was the same brat he dumped on a colleague of his before he got busted by their superiors. Not only had the man failed to produce any new holy sword users (though his research was used to make artificial ones), but he also failed to clean up after himself.

Not one but _two_ of the test subjects lived to tell what happened.

All in all, it was very sloppy work.

And if that wasn't enough, the spoiled Magus brat Rin had decided to take the fact that Emiya Shirou was a Devil personally, and blamed _him_ for not realizing what the boy was sooner.

To be fair, he _would_ have noticed a Devil in Fuyuki city...had the boy been filling contracts or the other usual signs. Instead the boy managed to slip under the radar, so to speak, by training to become a rather unusual Magus.

He could have easily continued to fool everyone about his true nature had he not suddenly decided to derail the entire Heaven's Feel tournament.

And if that wasn't bad enough, Zelretch had been hanging around as well.

There was no choice. He had to deal with the threat of Shirou Emiya once and for all before the fool figured out who sent him to that project and came after him with his full strength.

* * *

 _In the Emiya mansion..._

Shirou had been having a bad feeling all week. And he had an idea why.

Someone was finally going to try and make him pay for basically ruining a well known ritual only for Magi.

Which was why he sent the message along for the girls to hurry with their training. The feeling he had was that this wasn't going to be some weak enemy, but rather an extremely dangerous one he really didn't want to be dealing with.

It was bad enough that he nearly recalled his father from Kuoh, where he was still setting things up. Apparently convincing one of the Devils on the school board to allow so many transfers from an unknown Devil party was full of some rather annoying red tape to go through.

For two full days, nothing happened. And then...

The first clue Shirou had that today was going to be extra shitty was when he saw a blond man with red eyes and arrogant aura hanging close to where the house was. Something about him screamed 'danger' to every one of his senses.

The second clue was the fact that as soon as he stepped onto the property, a barrier was thrown up that made it impossible for any Devils to escape.

Mainly because it was made of holy energy.

"Shit. We're under attack!"

"It's that shitty fake priest!" said Lancer, pissed.

In the span of seconds, everyone was split up into groups. Shirou wasn't an idiot, and had honestly expected Rin and Archer, or possibly Zouken Matou to attack in retaliation for what he did to the Grail system.

He hadn't expected the so-called mediator to get involved.

"Who is _that_?" asked Mordred, eyeing her fellow blond with some suspicion.

"Gilgamesh," said Lancer with disgust.

"As in the King of Heroes, owner of the oldest legend in mankind's history? That Gilgamesh?!" said Shirou.

"It would seem the mongrel that's been routing around _my_ garden isn't as idiotic as you said, Kirei," smirked Gilgamesh.

"Lord Shirou, allow me to fight with him," said Mordred, eyeing him with distaste.

"A mere reflection of my beloved Saber. I'll enjoying killing you."

Mordred shuddered in disgust.

"I don't know what sort of 'thing' you had for my father, and frankly I don't care," said Mordred, her opinion on the matter very clear.

"Mordred...kick his ass however you want. If you need back-up don't be ashamed to call out for help," said Shirou.

"As you wish, Lord Shirou," said Mordred, before charging.

"Now... find where that priest is so we can gut him and dismantle this stupid thing."

"With pleasure," smirked Lancer.

* * *

 _With Mordred and Gilgamesh..._

Mordred did not like Gilgamesh. It had nothing to do with his attitude (her 'mother' was far worse and far more annoying) and more to do with the fact he kept loudly comparing her to "his" Saber. Who she knew for a fact was her father.

Finally Mordred got fed up enough that she used something she generally pretended wasn't there.

She banished her sword back to where she generally kept it, and then said something that surprised Gilgamesh enough to eye her curiosly.

" _ **Balance Breaker!"**_

White armor came alive and enveloped Mordred. White and clear blue wings formed on her back, and claws formed on her hands and feet. A long white tail moved lazily behind her, and her head was covered up with something that wouldn't look out of place in a mecha series.

"Albion," said Gilgamesh with open interest.

Legend had it that King Arthur was the embodiment of the Red Dragon. What most people didn't know was that the 'legend' was telling literal fact. Arturia had the sleeping form of the Red Dragon Emperor inside her body when she took up Caliburn. She just never bothered to use it after it was forcibly awakened by Avalon because she knew it wouldn't exactly be viewed favorably by the Church, most of whom believed that dragons were a sign of the devil.

It was bad enough she didn't age after she took up the sword, or that she maintained an untouchable image. Having red dragon armor that looked like that would almost certainly have made it worse in the long run.

When Mordred was 'conceived', Albion had merged with her. She had managed to keep the fact she was the White Dragon Emperor quiet until the day she got pissed off enough to steal Avalon, and then the two of them fought it out, as they always had.

The only difference being that Mordred had more experience and practice with Albion than Arturia had with Ddraig. She couldn't even use the Balance Breaker, whereas Mordred was able to bring it out almost from the get go.

Gilgamesh laughed long and hard upon realizing what he was facing.

The White Dragon Emperor's special ability was to divide the power of his enemies and give it to his 'master'. That combined with Mordred's former status as a Saber servant meant she was far more interesting than he had originally assumed.

It would be amusing to see how the White Dragon Emperor faced against the King of Heroes.

* * *

 _With Shirou..._

"Hey Herakles, remember what I said about your familiar?"

He nodded.

"If you find the priest then I'm giving you permission to bring it out. The sooner we kill him the better off we'll be. Kiritsugu said this guy's no joke, and he's most likely way out of our league."

" _ **Understood."**_

"The same goes for all of you. If you see him, feel free to go all out. Hold nothing back until he's absolutely dead. Standard rules of zombies apply to this creep."

"...Standard rules for zombies?" said Lancer.

"Take out the head, and you kill the undead," explained Shirou.

Why couldn't Sakura and Illya have finished their training sooner?

"I like that plan. I like it a lot," said Lancer with a vicious grin. Kotomine had pissed him off since the get-go.

Shirou suddenly paused as he saw someone in white armor and strange wings flitting about the field attacking Gilgamesh. He had only heard the bare bones about the two Dragon Emperors that caused so much trouble, but he had never seen either. He also remembered that King Arthur was _supposed_ to be the embodiment of a red dragon, and had the magical core of one.

What if the legends were being literal? It also explained why Mordred could never get along with Arturia.

They were genetically predisposed to hate each other.

"I am going to have a long talk with Mordred after this," muttered Shirou.

He had a priest to kill.


	7. Chapter 7

Sakura and Illya came back a bit sooner than they had expected... to find absolute devastation. Illya was the first to react.

"What in the name of Akasha happened here?!" she shrieked. It looked like someone had set a mundane bomb off! Even the shed had been almost completely destroyed.

"Illya! Sakura! Over here!"

They turned their heads to find... Taiga?

"What happened?"

"Where have you two been?" asked Taiga.

"We were setting things up in Kuoh. Now what happened here?"

"It's awful! The priest at the local church apparently put a bunch of small bombs around the house because of some grudge with Kiritsugu, and Shirou nearly got caught in the blast! If Morgan hadn't seen the explosives in time I'd hate to think of what could have happened!" said Taiga.

"Where is Shirou?" asked Sakura worriedly.

"He's at my house. Gramps let him and the others stay until the papers are finalized at his new school, since there's no way he could afford to fix the place up."

Left unspoken was the fact that the Fujimura group would cheerfully shoot anyone stupid enough to try and bomb their place, or anyone who threatened Shirou.

Despite not being part of the group, he was well liked because he never asked questions while fixing their bikes and cars, and he was good friends with the granddaughter of the clan.

Taiga didn't have many friends she could trust, and Shirou was high up on the list.

When Illya found Shirou, it took three seconds to get the actual story from him. She was rather pissed that she had missed everything and was unable to help him when he could have used it.

On the plus side, they no longer had to worry about Kotomine or Gilgamesh...if only because they had killed the priest and driven off Gilgamesh.

Well, perhaps 'driven off' wasn't the best way to put it. More like Shirou had stated flatly he didn't care what Gilgamesh did so long as he left them alone.

Though somehow he had the feeling once he got settled down the blond pain in the ass was going show up again.

Something about how Mordred "interested him more than Saber". He wasn't going to ask.

"I can't believe that man had the nerve to attack you directly!" fumed Illya.

"On the plus side, we just have to salvage what we can before we move. Apparently hearing about us being attacked by such a high level priest was enough to buy us some favor with the Gremorys. They might have mentioned giving us sanctuary, since the Devils more or less rule Kuoh."

"Good. I've found Fuyuki less than appealing since I know our father is still alive," said Illya with a sniff. "What about your workshop?"

"First thing I salvaged. Not like I had much in there, though it only got hit with a rebound blast so it didn't suffer nearly as much damage as the guest house did," said Shirou. That had been completely obliterated, as Kotomine thought _that_ was his workshop, not the boring storehouse.

Shirou had never realized how effective using piles of old junk was at disguising a workshop. The man never even found his research notes, much less the few books he had on the subject of runes.

"So when do we leave?"

"At the end of the week. I still have to finish the transfer paperwork for my school, and you have to fill out the rest for Kuoh Academy. Sakura, I have your papers too," said Shirou.

"Right."

"So how did you enjoy your training trip?"

"It was fun while it lasted. Sorry we didn't get home sooner Shirou," said Sakura.

"I'm somewhat glad you missed out on the action. It was pretty hectic, and if it wasn't for me finally unlocking that stupid magic that damn vampire kept hinting at, we never would have killed him," said Shirou. He looked at his shield with a grimace. "He better not force me into another round of magical girl worlds just to fix this. That priest got vindictive when he realized Gilgamesh wasn't as interested in killing us as he was at first."

"Gilgamesh? As in the _Epic of Gilgamesh_?!" said Illya.

"He apparently had a thing for Arturia, and then he got interested in Mordred because she has a Sacred Gear she neglected to tell me about."

"Which one?" asked Illya.

"Albion."

"...When you say Albion, you don't mean..."

"The legends were being literal when they called Arturia the embodiment of the Red Dragon...so when Mordred was born, she ended up stuck with Albion for some reason."

"Ouch," said Illya.

* * *

Issei was more than slightly unhappy about Shirou leaving, but they did share contact information. Issei was one of Shirou's few friends, and one of the _only_ people to pick on the fact Rin wasn't as 'perfect' as she pretended.

Then Shirou did something that would have Rin cursing his name even more, but gave Issei all the ammo he would ever need to blow Rin's fake persona wide open.

"Rin's a total Tsundere. Have fun," grinned Shirou.

Issei's glasses gleamed with potential pranks.

"Really now? Imagine that," said Issei smirking.

"Oh yes, I've been poking fun at that bear for days now."

"I get it now. You're not moving away, you're making a strategic retreat before Tohsaka comes after you," said Issei with approval.

"I'm not an idiot. Her temper is about ready to explode and I'm not stupid enough to stick around for when it does. Once I get settled in, you're welcome to come visit anytime."

"I'll have to take you up on that once I graduate."

"Enjoy the fireworks Issei," said Shirou grinning.

"Oh I will. I'll be sure to share the video of her going off once it happens," agreed Issei smirking.

Shirou snickered.

* * *

"So this is Kuoh. Hey, looks like they have a decent harbor for you to fish on Lancer."

Lancer looked pretty pleased with that.

"And this one won't be contaminated by the remains of Caster's foul experiments from the last war~!" said Illya far too chipperly.

"Wait, what do you mean by that?" said Lancer.

"The Caster from the last war liked to kidnap and experiment on children. Horrible, disfiguring experiments that almost none survived. Naturally when the mediator found out he offered one free command seal to any Masters that helped get rid of him. Between him and the fire, the casualty list for the Fourth Grail War was unacceptably high," said Shirou.

"Speaking of Caster, where is she?"

"She and my history teacher will be coming once the term is up. There wasn't much point in them following us considering he teaches history, and if we need her then we can phone ahead," shrugged Shirou.

"Makes sense," said Sakura.

"That and they were planning to get their own house. There's really no point in having everyone under the same roof, especially since they're clearly a newlywed couple and none of us would enjoy walking in on them," added Shirou. Most of the others sweatdropped at the implications.

"What about Assassin?" asked Mordred.

"He's either getting a sound proofed room, or he'll move in with us," said Shirou. He was betting on the moving in part, unless Caster forced him to stick around. If they got houses close by, then it wouldn't be that much of an issue.

"So when do we start school?"

"In two days. Better to get acclimated first," said Shirou.

They were close to the house, and the moment the door opened Illya took a running start before she literally tackled Kiritsugu to the floor.

"Daddy~!" she squealed.

Kiritsugu patted Illyasviel on the head. It was good to see his daughter again.

"What happened with the priest?"

"He's dead. I made sure to follow the standards for zombies to make damn sure of that much," said Shirou flatly.

"Standards for..."

"He made a point to cut off the head and burn the body," clarified Lancer. Considering the hell Kotomine had put him through, Lancer had made sure to spit on the ashes as well.

"Good riddance."

* * *

Rias looked at the new Devils to enter her territory. She had to admit, she was curious what sort of person would turn the infamous _Magus Killer_ into their pawn.

What she found was nothing like she expected, and to top it off he was damn familiar and she had no idea why.

Shirou Emiya, Sakura (she refused to put a last name on the grounds she would just be losing it once she was with Shirou), Illyasviel Emiya (older sister, though she didn't look it), and Mordred Pendragon were all transferring in from Fuyuki.

Shirou and Mordred would be going into the class of her newest (and only) pawn Issei. Sakura would be one year below them, and because of her perceived age Illya would be joining Koneko.

And all of them would be joining her Occult Research Club. That one was one of the conditions set by her father, because he didn't trust an unknown who had someone named after the one who killed King Arthur in his Peerage that close to his daughter without having someone keep an eye on them all. Never mind the fact he also had _the_ Magus Killer as a Pawn of all things.

Having Kiritsugu Emiya as a 'Ranked' piece like a Knight or a Rook was bad enough. Having him as the most versatile piece on the board, was even worse.

The thing that confused her the most was the fact that almost immediately Emiya started speaking to Sona, the head of the student council. She didn't know what was said but she could see her friend's open relief.

* * *

"Everyone, I'd like you to meet Emiya Shirou and Morgan," said the teacher. He avoided saying the poor girl's last name. It would only open her up to teasing.

He looked around and finally found two open spots.

"Shirou, sit next to Hyoudou-san. Morgan, you take the other spot."

No way in hell was he putting a girl next to one of the school perverts.

The guy beside him waited until the teacher was distracted before holding out his hand.

"Issei Hyoudou."

"Shirou Emiya. You're one of the trio that they warned me about earlier aren't you?" asked Shirou flatly.

He had been told to avoid the "perverted trio" unless he wanted to be beaten within an inch of his life. He had even been given names and photos of the three in question.

"Guilty," admitted Issei. He was a pervert and proud of it!

"Word of warning... if my girls catch you peeping on them you'll be lucky to get out alive."

"Your...girls?"

"Sakura, Morgan and Illya. Rias didn't tell you?"

Issei's confusion lasted until after classes, when he was _properly_ introduced to Shirou.

"You're a Devil?"

"Have been for as long as I could remember. By the way Kiba, Mordred said she'd help you with your sword techniques later. It's one thing to rely on a Knight's speed, it's another to actually have the skill to go with it," said Shirou.

"I'll keep that in mind. Is she really..."

"Yes, she's the _actual_ Mordred Pendragon. Or larger fragment of her that has nothing to do with the Hero faction at least. It's somewhat hard to explain."

Kiba turned to Mordred and said with a formal bow "I look forward to working with you, ma'am."

"I'll be sure to pound some real skill into you, so that you can help us destroy those fakes," said Mordred, bowing back. She liked Kiba...as a friend of course.

"I know I'm going to regret this...but how many like her do you have?"

"I have Medea, Medusa, Herakles, Cuchulain, Mordred and one that was lost to history. So about six. I also have a pair of magical girls in Sakura and Illya, and the phone number of someone I'm hoping to use as leverage so that the current Leviathan will sponsor me in the Rating Games," said Shirou honestly.

"Sponsor?" blinked Rias.

"It's a common idea for sports and other activities. Newcomers gain the attention of people with connections, better finances, or simply to use their name to make a better impression. In exchange they act as show ponies for their sponsor or if need be, dates," clarified Shirou. He was completely unashamed of the fact he might be turned into eye candy just to rise through the ranks.

"I know that, I just wasn't aware of it being used in that context. Sounds like an interesting idea though," admitted Rias.

It was the perfect way for the older pure bloods to spread their money around to the younger devils. And for the young bloods to be exposed to more formal situations.

Still the fact remained, Shirou was a bit too young to legally enter the Ranking Games just yet. The minimum cut off was twenty.

"So how did you become a Devil?" asked Issei, changing the subject.

"I was born one, though I didn't know it for a long time. I have no memory of what my life was like before I was seven," admitted Shirou.

"Which makes you a natural born Devil, since you can't exactly turn a human into one using the King piece," said Rias. "That reminds me, what exactly did you say to Sona earlier?"

"I offered my services as a repairman, since I know repairing or replacing equipment can be expensive, especially for things like heaters. I also gave her the number of a member of the student council and a teacher at my old school to verify that I could do the job. Of course she believed me a lot quicker when she found out I generally cheat using structural analysis to find the problem," admitted Shirou.

"You do realize that this is a privately funded school, right?"

"Yeah, and when have rich parents been 'more than happy' to shell out cash to pay for repairs to things like the A/C unit or heaters to small clubs like this one?" countered Shirou.

"Good point. How good are you at technology?"

"I can operate a basic cell phone and write a paper or check my e-mail. Illya is better at technology because she's a game addict and anime otaku. Though I am fairly decent at installing TV's and stereo systems...it's operating the buttons I have trouble with."

He usually short listed a few buttons...and how to reverse whatever one he accidentally hit...and left it at that.

Rias grinned.

"I might have to put those skills to use if I ever get a new flat screen."

She liked this Shirou guy. She liked him a lot. He could be a good influence on her only Pawn.

"Well since you're still relatively naive to the ways of Devils, how about you assist my new Pawn in making pacts? You can send whoever you want, but any pact you make will go straight back to me," said Rias.

"And those I make without your help?"

"Those can be yours," said Rias. She felt the offer was quite generous.

Shirou had a brilliant idea.

"Issei, I'm going to send Illya, Sakura and Mordred with you while you're out filling pacts. They can double as your protection because I seriously doubt there's anything here that can take even one of them on. Besides, I already have another one of my Pawns working to start on making pacts under my name in Fuyuki. They should be moving to Kuoh when the school year lets out for summer," said Shirou.

Caster was making several personal pacts under his name using her crafting skills. She was also making a decent amount of cash for her and her new husband by selling her costumes at a local shop.


	8. Chapter 8

Issei found out the hard way Shirou wasn't joking in the least when he warned him not to act like a pervert towards Illya.

Seeing her blast a fallen angel using a rather girly looking magical stick, or the evil smile on her face as she explained to him in exacting detail what she would do to him if she ever found him peeping on him (she was given a lot more leeway because Devils could take a lot more than humans in terms of damage) nearly made him piss himself.

On the plus side, he was able to activate his Sacred Gear.

For some reason Shirou's Queen Mordred looked at him with more than the usual amount of disgust.

"Lord Shirou, I request that you do not pair me with that pervert anytime soon," said Mordred.

"May I ask why?"

"I recognize his Sacred Gear, and it's the same one my father had," explained Mordred simply.

Shirou ran that through his head before he choked in disbelief.

"You're telling me that the Boosted Gear of the Red Dragon Emperor is in the hands of a _perverted idiot_?"

Mordred nodded.

"I almost feel sorry for Ddraig," said Shirou.

"Lord Shirou, forgive me for asking, but why did you chose to send us with the idiot instead of going yourself?"

Shirou looked somewhat sheepish.

"Because my method of gaining pacts is somewhat unusual and I don't want Rias to laugh at me about it."

"He's using his skills as a cheap repairman to gain pacts," said Kiritsugu from his spot at the table with a paper.

"Why aren't you gaining pacts?"

"I'm retired, and these days I'm more of an infiltrator. Besides, someone has to act as the 'adult' in charge of the household to avoid awkward questions."

Now that Shirou had made contact with one of the higher Devil families, and was _technically_ under her watch, he could possibly ask her for help finding certain things out...like who his birth family was. He was in the same club as Kiba, so if he found out where that priest was they could go kill him together.

It was somewhat ironic that the only two survivors of that damn project both developed either magic or a Sacred Gear towards creating multiple swords.

"You know what this means don't you?" said Shirou, a sudden evil idea occurring to him.

"What?"

"You now have the single best excuse to beat him bloody in the name of training to help him achieve a proper balance breaker. And no one will really question why you're beating him up in public because you could say he was doing something perverted towards you," said Shirou with a smile.

Mordred blinked, before an evil smirk appeared on her face.

"And it doesn't hurt that I can keep him in control and show him how to use it..."

"All kinds of benefits!" said Shirou.

He liked Issei, to a point, but Rias was the next head of Gremory. That meant he needed to be able to hold his own in fights, especially considering he was a reborn.

He was rather pathetic as he was now, and the moment Rias found out what his Sacred Gear actually was she'd probably jump at the chance for Mordred to whip his wimpy ass into shape.

* * *

 _A few hours later at the old school building..._

"He has WHAT?"

"According to Mordred, Issei has Ddraig inside him. And she'd know considering Arturia had the Boosted Gear but never bothered to train with it...which is part of the reason why she was killed by Mordred in the first place."

Rias blinked.

"So that tripe about King Arthur being the embodiment of a red dragon wasn't a euphemism, but the bards being _literal_?"

That...actually made a lot more sense than it didn't. If King Arthur sacrificed her natural core to the dragon in exchange for his...that would account for why she never lost. That plus her sword and sheathe anyway.

"Which is why Mordred has cheerfully offered to beat Issei into shape for free," continued Shirou.

"And by beat into shape..."

"She's going to put the fear of Lucifer into him while properly motivating him to run with heavy bags on his back and teach him how to use the Boosted Gear properly. In exchange she's hoping you'll turn a blind eye to him being beaten black and blue on a regular basis. She dislikes Ddraig because he used to be with Arthur, so she'll be big on corporal punishment."

"She's not going to kill him."

"She'll try to avoid that outcome...if he dies then she doesn't have anyone to torment...I mean, train."

"...If I can find a decent healer to insure he's not killed by these session, then I'll agree to it," said Rias after thinking about it.

"Fair enough."

While Mordred wasn't allowed to beat Issei black and blue in the name of training, she was allowed to 'motivate' him in riding his bike with insane amounts of weight on him at night.

It didn't help that Shirou had asked Sakura to have Rider keep an eye on him with her new high-performance bike meant for high speeds (magically tweaked to go faster than some cars and withstand large amounts of abuse) and make sure he didn't try to get out it.

On the plus side, Issei had gotten much faster than his friends when it came to avoiding the righteous wrath of the girls when they were caught. The other two weren't happy about being the ones beaten up, but then again they had abandoned Issei more than once to the girls.

* * *

 _In the field next to the O.R.C._

Kiba took a rough stance outside the clubhouse. Mordred took one of her own, only it was clearly more refined than the one her sparring partner had. Unlike Shirou, Kiba didn't have the benefit of an insane guardian like Taiga who helped Shirou refine his sword skills. He was a natural archer once he got used to the bow, and was already fairly high up in the archery club in the school.

At an unspoken signal, the two began to fight using the reinforced bokken Shirou brought. In a show of common sense, he left several sets each for both of them, as he knew that both of them were considerably stronger than most humans and thus could break them if they got out of hand.

Mordred was also using this as a chance to help Kiba refine his rage. Right now he had managed to hide his rage-filled vengeance towards the priest responsible for the slaughter of the other children in the project. However when it was sufficiently prodded, he lost his temper and went on a solo vengeance streak.

As someone who had been raised by someone like Morgana Le Fey as a mother, Mordred was well versed in holding one _hell_ of a grudge and the downsides of having your anger turned against you.

Which was why she was tempering his rage and vengeance towards the priest and the church into something that could help him achieve the shared goal.

One of the things she was beating into him was that going off to get revenge was good and all, but more often than not you'll have your ass handed to you by superior opponents. Which was why she was making sure that the concept of asking for help, even from Shirou who wasn't ashamed at his lack of power to ask others for assistance, was acceptable.

He wasn't the only one getting an upgrade in training. Koneko could sometimes be seen training with Shirou's lone Rook Herakles in the hills outside town delivering devastating hits. Her skill level in using her superior strength had gotten a major boost from a proper teacher. Herakles was _very_ familiar in using his surroundings to cause massive collateral damage...even if Koneko had to learn sign language to avoid damaging her sensitive ears.

Good teacher or not, Herakles still sounded like a damn fog horn when he spoke, and it only got worse at close range.

Akeno was learning magecraft from Illya and Sakura...and more horrifying in the minds of the boys, they encouraged her S & M fetish. Particularly Illya, who was from a more traditional family. Sakura didn't care much about the idea one way or another. She would do anything and everything Shirou asked of her if it meant making him happy.

The codependency wasn't exactly healthy for a girl her age, but it was infinitely better than the one she had with Shinji on Zouken's orders.

Rias was the one doing the teaching in regards to Shirou. Mainly strategy and the politics currently in play among devils. They had no idea what sort of magics he could use, so that was out. He was a better fighter than they were (as evidenced by the fact he could go one on one with Mordred for ten full minutes) and he was a superior sniper with his bow. What he didn't know was how to survive in the Devil society, as he had been primarily raised in a _human_ one.

If he wanted to join the Rating Games and rise in Devil society to make a name for himself, then he would have to know this stuff.

Shirou didn't really pay Issei much mind. He was still being tortured...er, trained, by Mordred as she inspired him to new heights of athleticism to avoid her surprising knowledge of fire spells. On the plus side, he made it to his clients in a relatively quick manner, so it didn't matter if he couldn't teleport or not.

* * *

Shirou ended up making his first normal pact in Kuoh by accident when Illya ended up joining Issei to one of his clients and learning that the rather...muscular...person who answered the door wanted to be a real life magical girl.

He felt no pity whatsoever calling Zelretch and offering five new victims to torment, all of whom would be delighted in joining him in his visits to other worlds to fulfill his magical girl addiction.

So long as they gained their new magical powers, they could put up with almost anything. And because they were given to them by devils, they were more inclined to go after Fallen angels.

Especially since word got around that the fallen had a particularly nasty exorcist in town. One who gleefully killed those that summoned devils, even for small things.

Rias actually despaired at her Pawn every attaining a proper pact, never mind that Shirou's group didn't seem to be having nearly as much trouble. In fact, it seemed to be the opposite. Shirou was doing double the amount of pacts compared to Kiba, and he was making money at the same time.

It wasn't until she heard what his requests generally were that she felt like banging her head against the wall repeatedly.

Shirou was technically abusing the pact system in order to grow his client base as a repairman. In exchange for some rather significant discounts for repair work for the poorer families, they agreed to summon him and sign pacts. They also recommended him to their friends, which meant he generally had a full workload.

She had heard rumors he repaired things in local homeless and animal shelters for free, he had so much business.

The fact remained though, Issei wasn't making pacts and despite his rather strenuous training under Mordred, he still was barely strong enough to use the teleport circle.

As he had been born from a nice, normal family, he didn't have a magical core to sacrifice to Ddraig in exchange for his. And his limited magical powers weren't enough to even consider it an equivalent sacrifice.

About the only good thing out of Issei's inability to make pacts was that he was at least getting good reviews, and it looked like most of his clients were patient enough to wait until he had enough power to actually take their requests.

Of course, the fact Shirou had to point that out only made Rias depressed.

Issei had a lot of faults, and the fact she had to struggle to come up with something good out of them didn't speak well about her.

It also didn't help that the boy had developed a friendship with a rogue nun by the name of Asia. The fact she was willing to hang out with him even after learning he was a devil, her enemy, was one of the few reasons why Rias hadn't yelled at him for it.

"Brooding again, Rias-sempai?" asked Sakura, smiling.

Out of all his Peerage, Sakura was one of the few who stayed close by to Rias' group. This was because unlike the others, she was not in either training or many clubs. She was only part of the archery club because Shirou was in it as well, and was a part time member of the cooking club.

"I am not brooding."

"Funny, it looked like you were trying not to give yourself migraines dealing with the fact your only pawn is a notorious pervert who has breasts on the brain, yet is the owner of a powerful and legendary Sacred Gear...and has still to make a single pact."

"Don't remind me. As if that's not enough, the fallen seem to be drawn to him like flies to honey, and he's befriended a nun!"

"...How long had he been a devil again?"

"Not even a full month."

"If he hasn't gotten with the program after two, we'll sick a certain fanged headache on him. That should make him much more reasonable for a devil."

"Do I want to know?"

"He's a vampire who has the power to traverse worlds. Need I say more?"

"Dear Lucifer... you mean Shirou has contact with _him_?"

Zelretch was infamous in more than just the Magus circles. Rias couldn't count how many times she'd caught Sona sacrificing some poor animal to a shrine dedicated to the whatever evil gods she could find that Serafall _never_ meet the infamous Dead Apostle ancestor. Mostly because she was also aware that Zelretch had a similar fascination in the same genre her sister was so addicted to.

Rias was about to say something when the announcement speakers blared.

Right before something she _knew_ would set Sona up the wall started playing.

She didn't know who had the balls to play that damn "Robot Hell" from _Futurama_ while Sona was at the school, but it was one of the few things that could piss off a pure blood without fail.

If Sona didn't gut the idiot, Rias would in a heartbeat.

"So that's why Illya was giggling evilly..." said Sakura.

"Tell your fellow Bishop that if she ever plays that song again I'll use her for target practice, if Sona doesn't get to her first," said Rias darkly.

Seeing a magical girl flee using the sky, and hearing the enraged yell of Sona, she could safely guess that Illya had managed to escape.


	9. Chapter 9

"So how did it go?"

"We came out alive and kicking, with one new addition. Shirou, meet Asia Argenta, my new Bishop," said Rias proudly. Then her proud smile turned slightly evil. "Also, her Sacred Gear means that Mordred now has full permission to step up Issei's training."

Mordred looked rather gleeful about that, and it was lucky Issei was out cold at the moment. He would have pissed himself had he seen her expression.

Shirou eyed Asia.

"She's a healer, right? Not really suited to combat situations?" he asked.

"She's a nun. She tries to be nice to everyone."

"I'll see if Dad would be interested in teaching her how to be a sniper."

Asia started to protest, but Shirou held up a hand.

"It takes more skill to _wound_ someone on purpose in the heat of a battle than it does to kill them. I can guess you don't like killing others, so teaching you how to maim them is the next best thing. Someone who's busy trying to recover from a shattered kneecap or a shot foot generally becomes a hindrance rather than reinforcements. It keeps you out of the direct line of fire and if you do it right you can heal them after," said Shirou.

Asia didn't like it, but Shirou was rather pragmatic that way. A healer could still do _some_ damage if given the proper training.

Someone who was only able to heal was better off on the side lines, which was impossible during a rating game.

"I really don't like guns," said Asia.

"What about arrows? They're easier to heal from and come with a lower risk of collateral damage. The problem is that they rarely have much range for beginners and it takes some time to build up the muscles required for it," said Shirou.

"I think I could handle that," said Asia after thinking about it.

"Looks like I have someone to practice with, Sempai," said Sakura cheerfully.

* * *

In what would be the beginning of a very long headache...and strangely enough the rise of a very confusing relationship between Rias and Shirou when they found out the truth... Shirou came to the club house one evening to find a newcomer who felt familiar to him.

She was wearing a tasteful maid outfit, but it was her eyes that felt the most familiar.

Still, he pushed aside that feeling and waited for Rias to explain their guest.

"Are these the new Devils who come from Fuyuki?" asked the woman to Rias.

"This is Shirou Emiya, their king. He has no idea what house he's from, but even without training he's gathered an impressive Peerage. Aside from a natural lack of knowledge about our society and the etiquette required, his skills are satisfactory for the most part," said Rias. She was clearly unhappy about something, but he couldn't imagine what.

From the one clear space in the corner, a circle appeared with flames. The flames had the distinct feeling of Shinji-like arrogance. He had to repress the strong urge to beat the living daylights out of anyone who came out of the circle.

Being around Shinji had made such impulses instinctive at this point, and he had made sure it got through to the pathetic idiot that any hints of either him or his grandfather hurting Sakura would come out badly.

For Shinji anyway.

The man and his rather _large_ harem of girls made the impulse almost impossible to ignore. If not for the gray haired woman in the room, he might have given in to it. Instead he focused on trying to figure out where he knew her from.

Issei, to his credit, glanced at Mordred who's expression read volumes. He had started to curb his perverted behavior a little after she caught him peeping on her with his friends and had upped the training regimen accordingly.

Coincidentally this happened shortly after Asia was brought in, and she had phrased it in a way that made it hard for him to complain about the much harder training.

In addition to the massive backpack filled with heavy materials he had to peddle on his bike (which Shirou had helpfully reinforced so it could handle the new weight) he now had to dodge a rather eager Rider on her bike who would launch her spiked chains at him in random intervals.

His ability to dodge had improved considerably.

Shirou managed to keep the urge to punch this "Riaser" character in the face for as long as he could. However the moment Sakura shivered next to him at the memory of how Shinji used to act in their home on their grandfather's orders, that control snapped.

Like a twig.

"And here I thought _pure bloods_ like the Phenex clan knew how to behave. It's a good thing you're not the heir, because you're acting like a stray dog in heat," said Shirou with a perfectly calm smile on his face. Had Riaser known what that expression meant, he would have run as far and as fast as he could from Shirou. The tone alone spoke of the danger the fool was in, and even Issei was discreetly hiding behind Kiba, who he knew Shirou liked as a friend.

"What did you say, you pathetic reborn?" sneered Riaser. He had missed the introduction to the gray haired woman, and thus didn't know Shirou also held a King piece.

"I'm saying my Bishops could kick your ass with no help from the others," stated Shirou flatly. Illya and Sakura straightened with pride, hearing Shirou's high opinion of their combat ability.

Riaser sneered at Shirou, before the woman interrupted.

"Enough. Lord Lucifer has offered another alternative if neither parties could come to an agreement," she said firmly.

Riaser backed off, but Shirou remained as tense as the string of a bow, ready to be unleashed.

"What's his suggestion?" asked Rias, eyeing Shirou warily.

"An unofficial Rating Game. If you win, the engagement will be called off. If you lose, then the wedding preparations will begin immediately," said the woman.

Rias almost growled. They were deliberately setting her up to fail! There was no way her Pieces were ready for someone as seasoned as Riaser. Then an idea occurred to her. A way to kill two birds with one stone.

"Can I appoint a representative?" she asked intently.

"They must have no fewer than eight pieces, and you cannot ask Lady Sitri for help in this."

"I wasn't going to ask Sona. I appoint Shirou Emiya as my representative in this game. As loathe as I am to admit, my Pawn and newest Bishop are no where near ready to participate in a Game," said Rias formally. She was putting a lot of faith in Shirou.

The woman looked at Shirou, who looked her in the eye without a hint of fear or arrogance.

"Do you accept her request to act in her name?"

"I accept."

She looked at Riaser.

"Are there any objectives to this?"

"It'll be a delight to put this pathetic reborn in his place," sneered Riaser. She took that as a "No".

"Very well. The Games shall take place in ten days time," she said formally.

"That's plenty," said Shirou. It gave him enough time to call Caster and her husband in, as well as shake off the rust for the others.

He already had the perfect plan in mind as well.

He was going to unleash Sakura's familiar on them right as the game started. If anything could take out whatever defense they could scrounge up in the time it took to Rider to prepare her Noble Phantasm, he'd be surprised.

There was no kill quite like overkill, and this guy pissed him off in less than five minutes. He was screwed.

* * *

Medea answered the phone during dinner. Her cooking had gotten much better with practice.

"Hello? Ah, Shirou!"

Her face went through a myriad of expressions, before an evil smile that was all Caster at her most murderous appeared. This wasn't Medea, wife of Souichirou...this was Medea, Witch of Betrayal and the woman who had been bewitched by Aphrodite just for a spoiled Greek who ditched her for a younger woman.

"So your friend is forced into an engagement she doesn't want and they're basically setting her up for failure. No, I completely understand why you called. Oh? I get to _play_ with the coward if he survives?"

The more Shirou told her what was going on, the more her original personality came into play. It was times like these that she was very, very glad she had the sense to accept Shirou's offer to become one of his Pawns.

"When is this Game? A week?"

She looked at her husband.

"What's happening?" he asked in a blunt no nonsense manner.

"Shirou's participating in an unofficial game and asked if we'd be interested in joining. The more pieces he has to present, the better the showing. And he said I might get to play with the instigator of the trouble."

"...When is it?"

"He said in about a week or so. They were given ten days, but his father has been doing some discreet ordering just in case."

"If we can come back within a reasonable time frame I could take a few days off," he said finally.

She relayed the information, and her evil grin only grew at his reply.

"Shirou said it shouldn't take more than a couple hours at most. Their opponent is all arrogance and while his people are decent fighters, they're no match for Heroic Spirits. Also they're planning to simply unleash one of Rider's Noble Phantasms right from the start to take out most of the resistance. He also said something about an interesting shopping district."

"I suppose I could use the extra day to look around this Kuoh town for our new house," he replied, returning to the papers he had to grade.

"We'll be there two days early. I'd be delighted to go with Sakura and the others on a shopping trip!" said Medea, gushing at the idea. Her husband immediately tuned out his wife as she delved into a girl-talk session over the phone.

* * *

Shirou and the other boys were hiding in Shirou's home. The reasoning was simple. Rias wanted to help her friend win this game for both their sakes, but the moment Medea showed up, practically aglow, they had descended on her like rabid wolves. Even Asia was roped into an intense girl-talk that could last _hours_.

Shirou, Issei and Kiba did the only thing they could. They admitted manly cowardice and fled the clubhouse for someplace where they could talk strategy. Meanwhile Medea's husband Souichirou was over by the coffee table talking to Kiritsugu. They had clicked almost immediately, as both were quite capable of taking most people down without once resorting to magic.

"So Shirou, how do you plan to win this?"

"I plan to have Sakura's familiar Medusa summon the Pegasus and attack the enemy base, preferably the area they're holed up in. Having her do that at the start will take out a lot of the weaker fighters...and if Riaser is unlucky enough to survive, I'll sick Medea on him."

"Is she really..."

"The Witch of Betrayal. Medea was cursed by Aphrodite to fall in love with Jason, but she went mad and killed her children when Jason went for a younger woman. Her only wish was to have a simple life where she could fall in love of her own accord and marry without the gods interfering. I offered her the chance to become a Devil and live with her husband so long as they agreed to help out with the games."

"And since Devils can't be manipulated by the gods as easily as they do mortals, it was a major bonus," Kiba summed up.

"Actually it was mostly because at that point I had already derailed the stupid tournament, and this was the perfect way to live out her life freely without having to kill others in exchange for helping out in times like these. So long as I treat them fairly, Medea doesn't mind crafting items or helping out," said Shirou.

"I'm completely lost here," admitted Issei.

Shirou looked at Kiba, who shrugged.

"Do you know Greek mythology?"

"Not in the least."

"I'll go with the simple version then. There was a man named Jason who was on a quest by the gods to get an artifact and return home with it. It was long and perilous, but eventually they came to a kingdom called Colchis. With me so far?"

Issei nodded.

"In this kingdom there was a king, a prince and a princess. The princess was called Medea, and she was renowned for her magical ability. In order to help his quest, Aphrodite the goddess of love and beauty in the Greek pantheon basically bewitched Medea to fall in love with Jason and become his wife. In other words she put Medea under a spell to think she was in love with a man she barely knew."

Issei, to his credit, looked beyond horrified at the idea. He might be a class A pervert, but even he would never consider forcing himself on anyone.

"While under the spell Medea killed her father and brother, and left with Jason. At some point he fell for another woman, and in her despair she killed their children and became the Witch of Betrayal. I'm not really clear _how_ she died, but when I offered her the chance to marry for love and not because of a spell she jumped at it."

"That sounds horrible! Why would anyone force someone to marry them and then dump them for a younger woman? I mean I can get why she snapped, but it sounds like it wasn't even her fault in the first place!" said Issei.

"When you say things like that Issei, you make it hard to believe you're just a pervert. I'm really glad you actually have a heart and a sense of honor, considering your hobbies."

"I like to look, but I'd never try to hurt a girl like that," said Issei in disgust.

"And that's why the president made you a Pawn, and not just because of your Sacred Gear. She knew there was something good in you waiting to show itself," said Kiba.


	10. Chapter 10

It was time. The moment of the unofficial rating game that would also double as Shirou's official debut in the Devil society.

The circle deployed, and they were transported to the game arena. It took them a few moments to realize that someone had gone the cheap route and had simply recreated the school and the clubhouse.

"Everyone know their role?" asked Shirou.

"I'll summon my familiar and have her take the first shot at wherever they're holed up," said Sakura.

When she heard what sort of person this Riaser was, she had no complaints about using her Noble Phantasm.

"And I'll deal with whatever poor bastard is left behind," said Medea viciously.

"And if they survive her I'll snipe from the roof until Sakura and Illya are in position. Lancer will lead them on a wild goose chase while getting them into position," said Kiritsugu. He could live with maiming idiots. They were from the Phenex clan, and that meant they had a supply of tears that would make recovery almost instant.

"Herakles and the remaining pawns will stay behind to defend the clubhouse. If things get real bad, I'll deploy Unlimited Blade Works as a last resort. I refuse to let Riaser win, not when Rias' freedom is in jeopardy."

That, and Riaser pissed him off without even trying. No way in _hell_ was Riaser going to win even if Shirou had to nearly kill himself to deal with the bastard.

"I'll patrol the skies and make sure no one takes out Medea. They'll expect her to be the Queen, not a pawn," said Mordred.

They would expect her to be Shirou's Queen, or at the very least a Bishop. But Shirou had sacrificed two Mutation Piece Pawns on Medea for a very specific reason.

She was more dangerous and versatile that way. Casters were good at magical attacks, but not in close combat. They also needed time to set up their more devastating magics.

He wanted an overwhelming victory against a house that almost never lost. He wanted to prove a very strong point that just because he was raised in the human world didn't make him weak.

He didn't spend all those years acting as Taiga's sparring partner and doing the cliché of weight training every single day just to lose his first game.

The buzzer sounded, and Sakura immediately went to the roof where she summoned Rider. Shirou had asked _specifically_ if all familiars were permitted in the game. He suspected that after this they might make rules against them.

He wouldn't know it until later, but several devils _recognized_ Medusa when she appeared. That recognition only cemented as fact when she summoned the Pegasus and unleashed it on the school. They knew that attack.

No one expected a relative unknown like Shirou Emiya to have her on his team, much less as something that many would take for granted. Sakura's use of her 'familiar' was unprecedented, and had many of the old bloods thinking twice about Shirou being the weak one.

It would amuse him greatly that the discreet bet he made on him to win (he was the long odds for obvious reasons) would net him quite a bit of spending cash and more than make up for the equipment Kiritsugu asked for. It didn't hurt that he had asked Rias to make the bet, or that they would split the winnings.

The worst to come out of that idea was that he would have to reimburse her later.

There was a flash of light, followed by an explosion nearby. A few moments later, Grayfia (he finally found out what her name was from Rias) announced in her usual tone how bad the damage was to Riaser's team.

" _ **Five of Lord Riaser's Pawns, One Bishop, Two Rooks and Two Knights, have retired."**_

"Better than I hoped for," said Shirou with a grin.

* * *

Outside the game arena, Rias wasn't the only one staring. She was with Sona and her Peerage watching the games.

"He took out most of Riaser's pieces in a single attack, using a _familiar_ no less," said Rias gaping.

Whatever she had expected Shirou to do in order to beat Riaser, sending a mythical monster from the Age of the Gods certainly wasn't it. Especially as a familiar to one of his Bishops.

She had thought he had found a bunch of Heroes from the old bloodlines who preferred their ancestor's title to their real names.

It was starting to become clear to her that these weren't some idiots from the Hero bloodline...but the real deal. Which begged the question...

Where in the name of Lucifer did he find people who were supposed to be long dead?!

Rias watched the one-sided slaughter, and she took vindictive pleasure watching Shirou pound Riaser's face in until he forfeited the game.

Immortal Devil or not, not even Riaser could withstand that kind of punishment without any back up whatsoever. It didn't help that Shirou had kept up his strength training even now. He had only taken off his weights to insure Riaser got the maximum punishment.

Suddenly Rias grinned as it hit her. She was free! Gloriously free! Now she just had to find a way to keep her dad from pulling this again!

* * *

Shirou felt rather uncomfortable in formal clothing. He was going to meet _the_ Lucifer, who wanted to congratulate him on winning... and for freeing his sister from an engagement she didn't want in the first place.

He could only hope Lucifer would recognize the symbol that he saw every time he used magic.

When he finally met the man, he was once again hit with the strange sense of deja vu that he got around Grayfia...and then his next thought was that he looked like an older, _male_ Rias.

It took him a few moments to realize exactly what he was dealing with.

A male version of Illya that thankfully was already married and had no interest outside of spoiling his sister whenever and wherever possible.

"I must admit, I'm surprised a relative newcomer such as yourself found that many powerful allies in a short amount of time."

"It's easier than you might think. In Fuyuki the Magi have a sort of ritual they've created a few hundred years ago called the 'Heaven's Feel' or the Grail Wars. The basic idea was that at the end of the ritual, the winning pair would be able to gain one of the lost Magics known as Heaven's Feel. Needless to say no one has successfully won the war in the five times it's been active, and thanks to me stealing almost all the spirits required, it's unlikely it'll be active again, if ever."

Sirzechs remembered something Kiritsugu mentioned when he spoke to him.

"I heard you're also looking for your birth family."

"My memory was either erased or blocked by the magical nature of the fire, and the only clue I have is the circle that shows up whenever I use my Devil magic," said Shirou.

"Well that is something I can help with. Do you have a copy of the circle?"

"My dad took photographs earlier this morning while he was showing me how to fight hand to hand. As much as I love Mordred, she's a better fighter with her sword than without it."

Sirzechs took one look at the circle, then his expression became rather...odd.

"Are you sure this is the circle you use?"

"All of my Pieces use it. According to Zelretch they got it from me since I hold the King piece," said Shirou, confused.

"Shirou...this is the circle used by the Gremory clan."

Shirou blinked.

"You're kidding, right?"

"I would know that better than anyone. What's more is that there _is_ a Gremory who went missing some years back and was never found. He went out to complete a minor pact and it was only after that we learned of him being in a city where a major fire occurred," said Sirzechs seriously.

There was no way this could possibly be him. What were the odds that his missing son would end up finding Rias purely because she had made a certain blond her knight? Or that he would be found and adopted by the one person who could knew exactly where to look when it came to Devils?

"Well there is one sure fire way to see if I really am part of the same family as Rias. We could do a blood test to whomever has the nearest match," said Shirou. He wasn't afraid to use a little blood to find his birth family. Hell, he had been _counting_ on it to confirm his claim!

Three hours later, three separate vials of Shirou's blood was shipped off to three private labs. Along with vials from all of the Gremory household old enough to have a child his age. Which thankfully for Lucifer's sanity (and the knowledge that Rias wasn't actively seeing anyone in the past year) meant his sister was not among them.

* * *

Rias wasn't the only eager one waiting for the results. Finding out Shirou might be a possible cousin was rather exciting. The best part was that the Phenex clan couldn't exactly protest a conflict of interest because Shirou hadn't known he was possibly related to the Gremory family, and Rias had no idea the circle he generally used as she had Akeno use theirs most of the time.

Finally the circle appeared with her brother and his wife. In his hands were the test results from all three labs.

"I had them confirm the results after the fact. They all say the same thing."

"Well?" said Rias eagerly.

"The only Gremory to go missing within the last ten years was Baelfire, and according to the results, your real name is Baelfire Gremory," said Lucifer rather pleased.

Grayfia had been very overprotective of their youngest son Millicas after what happened to Baelfire, and he had always wanted to meet his older brother.

Shirou blinked.

"I'm related to Rias after all?"

"To be more specific, you're my oldest nephew. Baelfire is my brother's first son with his wife," said Rias.

It took a few seconds to process that, and when he did the first thing he said was "I'll take as many pictures and videos of Rias as you want if it means I don't have to suffer through stuffy lessons. I'd like to complete my normal education first."

Rias shot him a look of betrayal for that one, because her brother was always taking pictures and had entire albums full of the silliest things.

"You will of course be taking lessons in proper etiquette and politics," said Grayfia solemnly. She couldn't fault him for wanting to complete his education, and it wasn't like Rias would be able to skip out on the same lessons if he was taking them.

"As long as it's not in a stuffy castle with far too many guards. I wasn't exactly going all out when I beat that overbearing chicken into submission," said Shirou flatly.

"Too bad. I'm sure Millicas would be delighted to finally meet his older brother," said Lucifer.

Shirou blinked.

"So now I have two younger siblings instead of one. And don't deny it Illya, you still look Koneko's age," said Shirou.

Illya pouted, but accepted the joke.

Then an evil idea occurred to him.

"Will all of my Peerage have to suffer through these lessons?"

If he was going down he was taking as many of his pieces with him as he could.

"Yes," said Grayfia without hesitation or room for argument.

Lancer was the first to catch on.

"You suck Shirou," he complained.

"Look at the bright side. We can drag Asia and Issei down with us, since they're still rookies," said Shirou brightly.

Issei was the one to look at him with betrayal now. Shirou smiled, and Rias had to avoid shuddering. It was like he had gotten most of his looks from her brother, but most of his personality from Grayfia.

It was only going to get worse when Lucifer found out the hard way that Shirou also picked up quite a bit from his now former guardian Taiga.

She wasn't the only one to pick up on it. Grayfia nodded to herself with approval and relief that her missing son hadn't taken after his father, however subconsciously. One idiot was enough for her to deal with, thank you.

* * *

 _On the docks of Kuoh_...

Lancer was settling into his favorite spot when he heard the sound of feathers. So long as they didn't bother him or make a racket, he could ignore anything.

A few moments later, a figure wearing a rather simple, if old fashioned kimono walked up with his own pole.

"This spot taken?" he asked, pointing to one near Lancer, but not so close as to be annoying or considered a threat.

"Go for it," said Lancer, as he waited for the other man to settle in. "You're one of the Fallen aren't you?"

"What gave me away?" he asked, amused.

"Next time don't land so close. I heard your wings. That and you don't have any 'self righteous' aura around you, which to me says you lost it, probably a long time ago. So that makes you a fallen."

"You don't seem eager to start a fight."

"I come here to fish, not fight. Though if you want one I'll be happy to oblige and then get back to fishing with your corpse as bait," said Lancer, adjusting his reel.

The other man grinned.

"I like your reasoning. To be honest I noticed you hanging around a lot and thought you'd make a fine person to fish with, if only to pass the time. And I brought a peace offering just in case," he said, holding up a case of Lancer's preferred beer.

Lancer grinned.

"Lancer," he said, holding out his hand.

"Call me Azazel," he replied back, shaking it and handing over the first beer.

"So what's the leader of the Fallen doing in Kuoh?"

"I heard the current red dragon emperor has been found here, and I thought I might as well take a vacation here for a bit."

"If you want to play with the kid, you'll have to get in line. Mordred's been put in charge of torture... I mean 'training' the idiot."

"Oh?"

"She chases him on his bike while he's carrying a large amount of weight that she increases each week, all the while Rider's following him and forcing him to dodge while he's on his way to try and make pacts. His stamina's gone up and so has his awareness and ability to dodge. If he weren't such a weakling his King might actually feel sorry for him, but it's for his own good. The girls take too much enjoyment out of tormenting the pervert."

Azazel laughed.

The two settled in for a mostly quiet day of fishing, neither of them really in the mood for a fight at the moment.


	11. Chapter 11

"Let me get this straight. You've been fishing regularly with the leader of the fallen...and the most you've done is share war stories while catching dinner?" said Rias.

"He's not as bad as you think and we mostly just fish. I think he's glad to have some company that isn't kissing his ass or spoiling for a fight," shrugged Lancer.

Rias pinched her nose.

"Isn't he the one that Dad compared to Zelretch?" asked Shirou.

Despite finding out that Sirzechs Lucifer was his actual father, he still considered Kiritsugu his father. It would take some time before he got used to the idea of having both parents, but he would always look to Kiritsugu for fatherly advice first, unless it was Devil related.

Besides, most days Lucifer acted like a complete idiot.

He openly dreaded when he took Lucifer and his mother to meet the woman who was the biggest influence in his life after Kiritsugu's death. Apparently they were familiar with the Fujimura group, as the old man occasionally summoned Devils for a little assistance.

Though that was nothing compared to the way Shirou had stood up to Grayfia, a woman who could terrify most devils into submission with a look without a hint of fear in regards to his name.

He had refused to go back to being "Baelfire" on the grounds that he had grown up as "Shirou Emiya". So a compromise had been reached. His legal name had been officially changed on the registers as Shirou Baelfire Emiya-Gremory. Unofficially he called himself Shirou Emiya, if only to avoid explaining the name change. But to the pure blood devils he was now Shirou Gremory.

And that wasn't even getting into the almost shouting match the moment Grayfia brought up marriage. While she approved of his Peerage (Sakura, Illya, Medea and Kiritsugu had been lucky enough to get out of those lessons) the simple fact was that she didn't trust him to make a good decision in regards to finding a wife. He was almost of marriageable age, and thanks to his prompt and effective beat down of a very powerful pure blood devil who had only lost to appease a fellow family member, he would be considered very desirable as a husband for the females.

He was no novice to women, as Sakura's mental conditioning courtesy of her 'grandfather' had insured that she needed a bit more maintenance...and Mordred was quick to join in the first chance she got...but the fact was that he would be expected to marry another Devil.

About the only saving grace was that none of the families were eager to sign a marriage contract after the one between Rias and Riaser fell through so spectacularly. So he had some time to find a girl he liked that met with Grayfia's approval.

Rias had shown more interest in Issei, strangely enough, and he didn't have a problem with that.

For all his perverted nature, Issei had a very clear and distinct set of boundaries when it came to girls. He would not force himself on them, he treated them with respect, and he would never go farther than peeping. While it was frowned upon, it was still within acceptable limits.

Which was why if Rias continued to fall for the pervert, Shirou had an idea of how he could court her without raising a stink about it. After all, Sirzechs had married his own Queen.

"Still. I wonder what Azazel wants here?"

"He said he heard the Red Dragon Emperor had woken up, and he knew where the White Dragon is, so he wanted to be close by since last time they nearly wrecked one of his workshops just to piss him off," said Lancer.

"That...actually makes a lot of sense. Those two Sacred Gears would interest him a great deal, since I've heard he's always tinkering with them," said Rias. So long as it didn't put Issei in danger, she could live with that reason.

"Uh... who's Azazel and why is he so interested in me?"

"Azazel is the leader of the Fallen angel faction. He's also very interested in Sacred Gears, so the idea that he'd come here to see yours isn't too out of line with his usual behavior."

"I wonder how he'd react if he found out there are currently _two_ versions of Albion around at the moment," said Shirou off hand.

That stalled Rias' brain for a good minute.

"T-Two?! There's only ever _one_ carrier of the dragons at any time! They're bad enough when they got at it unchecked, but having more would be a DISASTER!" she said near hysterically.

"Uh yeah. You didn't know? I mean King Arthur had Ddraig when she was alive, but if she had bothered to train in using it she might not have lost so badly to Mordred. Mordred said her mother did something to insure she was born with Albion after she found out what Arturia had but didn't use."

"Wait, wait, wait. You're telling me your Queen is bonded to the White Dragon Emperor Albion?!"

Shirou looked at Mordred.

"Should we do this outside, or?"

"Outside would be preferable. And to be fair, I was just as surprised as you were finding out I was summoned despite the catalyst Shirou used and with it active."

Rias was clearly close to a mental break down realizing Shirou not only had the child of King Arthur as his Queen, but that he had gotten her with Albion _active_. No wonder she hated Issei and loved to torment him so much. Albion hated Ddraig.

"Hold on! You mean to tell me you've been busting my ass because of my Sacred Gear?"

"Actually it was because Lord Shirou asked me to train you once he found out what I had. Compared to others who have had Ddraig inside them you're weak. Laughably so. Figuring out how to trigger a balance breaker is up to you, but as long as we're allies I'll continue to pound your sorry ass into the ground to insure you're not a complete joke," said Mordred seriously.

"Say Rias, how about I go speak with Azazel and set up some ground rules we can all agree to?" asked Shirou, already thinking of something that was sure to drive Sona up the wall once she found out.

He blamed Zelretch for the fact he found perverse amusement in giving other people nightmares. He spent far too much time around the old vampire as it was, and had gained a few trolling habits as a result.

In this case he was going to prank Sona, the student council president, just because he could and because he knew that the resulting chaos would be great fun to watch.

"Just be careful Shirou. I just found my nephew again, and I really don't want to explain to Grayfia-nee how I allowed you to walk into a trap."

"I still don't get why everyone is so scared of her. A hungry Taiga is more terrifying than she is."

"...One of these days I'm going to meet this woman and find out why you're more scared of her being hungry than you are of the most intimidating woman I know," said Rias, staring at him. He had some serious balls if he could stand up to her sister-in-law and not feel terrified whenever she did that look of hers.

"How about this. I'll authorize Azazel to have supervised visits as until we're absolutely sure that there won't be any danger to Issei or to the others. Hopefully we can humor him until he leaves the territory, or I'll call someone who he might enjoy talking to and distract him into leaving for a while," said Shirou.

"Who is that?" asked Rias.

"Let's just say little miss student president is going to wish fervently that I didn't know him well enough to have his number on my cell," said Shirou cryptically.

* * *

Azazel was at the docks, once again armed with a pole, some bait and a large case of beer.

"Yo. Who's your friend?" he said, holding up a single hand in greeting.

"This is my King. Shirou, meet Azazel. Azazel, meet Shirou Baelfire Emiya-Gremory."

"That's a mouthful. And why two surnames?"

"I didn't want to give up the identity I grew up with, but I wasn't going to ignore my heritage either. So we agreed to combine the two and put my original name in the middle as a compromise. I usually go by Shirou Emiya though," said Shirou.

"Well now that the formality's out of the way...how about some fishing?"

They were settled in for an hour before Shirou finally broached the topic of Issei.

"So... rumor has it you're interested in the Red Dragon Emperor, who's currently attached to Rias Gremory."

"I am."

"She's willing to let you examine him under supervised visits if you like...and he's open to it as long as he gets a break from Mordred's training sessions. So long as you're just interested in his power and not stealing or harming him, you're welcome to examine the Boosted Gear to your hearts content," said Shirou.

Rias wasn't going to piss off the leader of the fallen angels. Her brother had enough on his hands without sparking ANOTHER war.

"That's awfully generous of her."

"Her brother is the current Lucifer. As long as you're just interested in fulfilling your own personal curiosity about Sacred Gears, she sees no harm in humoring you. As it stands I have a few pieces of my own I'm sure you'd enjoy talking to. One of my Pawns has a particular skill in crafting, for example."

Azazel grinned. He liked this kid. He liked him a lot. He wasn't afraid of him, but he also made it clear he wasn't looking for a fight either. And he had heard things about this particular Devil's Pieces that had him intrigued.

Rumors had quickly spread that this Shirou Emiya hadn't found heroes with an unusually high amount of the legendary bloodline in them, but fragments of the real thing. Hell, there was even a rumor that the mythical Medusa herself was a mere familiar to one of his Bishops, complete with the ability to summon an ACTUAL Pegasus!

So yeah, the researcher in him was very intrigued.

* * *

Shirou had to repress a snicker at the baby pictures. Sure, it was likely Sirzechs had some of him but he was confident in his skill at convincing the man to bring out pictures of a baby Rias and bring her down with him if the subject was ever brought up.

A fact he was quick to point out when Rias grinned at him evilly. Seeing her pale that fast was hilarious as she realized he wasn't joking in the least.

Still, it worried him when he caught the look on Kiba's face at one of the pictures. He looked and realized the problem.

"Am I going to have to ask Mordred to keep an eye on you?" he asked quietly.

That shook Kiba out of his revenge-driven mindset pretty damn quick. As Mordred had demonstrated rather vocally with Issei, she could be one hell of a vindictive woman when she was making a point. He did everything in his power to keep her from getting... creative.

"Sorry. Just seeing one of those brings back memories of...that."

"I know. Tell you what, if it'll get your mind off of things I can show you my Reality Marble later. You're not the only one who's sword obsessed," joked Shirou.

"Seriously? You have one of those?" said Kiba.

"You get to see it before Rias. Honestly I'm hoping I never have to use it anytime soon, but knowing my luck thanks to Archer odds are it'll be deployed far too soon."

"Thanks. It might be what I need to get out of my funk, at least until something comes up to take my mind off it," said Kiba in relief.

Mordred did her job and got through to Kiba. And having someone with an equal reason for revenge from the same experiences made it a lot easier for him to ask for help. He didn't know what he would have done had Shirou not been there, but he knew it would have hurt Koneko who he had always considered a little sister.

* * *

" _I am the bone of my sword_

 _Steel is my body_

 _Fire is my blood_

 _I have created over a thousand blades_

 _My heart guided by darkness_

 _The past purged by flame_

 _My future forged in battle_

 _And yet my path is set in stone_

 _So as I pray Unlimited Blade Works."_

The effect was immediate and for Kiba it shook him to the core.

Flames spread across the forest, and yet he felt no heat and smelled not even a hint of smoke. But the world around him faded away into something that could only be described as the most perfect representation of a hellish battlefield with no meaning.

Massive gears loomed overhead, slowly turning in the sky. The air was choked with the smell of hellish smoke and the sky was an ominous red that spoke of distant flames.

However it was what Kiba saw around him that held most of his attention.

Swords. An infinite number of swords, sticking out of the ground like a mockery of gravestones for fallen warriors. It was like someone had dug graves long ago, and then stabbed their sword into the dirt to mark them.

It was almost chilling, and Shirou stood on a hill with several of them surrounding him, almost like an angry god reigning over his realm with an iron fist.

For a moment, Kiba would almost swear his friend's body was _made_ of blades, but thought it was a trick of the strange lighting.

That's when Shirou displayed the full purpose of the Reality Marble.

With it deployed, he had an unlimited arsenal of swords to pick and chose from, and any that were destroyed were replaced in a moment's breath. He could alter them at will, within reason, and use them like arrows.

Kiba was seeing startling parallels between his Sacred Gear of Sword Birth, and Shirou's Unlimited Blade Works.

He could only feel relief when Shirou let the magic go.

"And here I thought I was the most affected by that project," he joked shakily.

"Actually according to a certain vampire, this was caused by the fire that took my memory," said Shirou. He grimaced. "But being exposed to those fake Excalibur swords didn't make it any better."

Kiba looked rather shaky after experiencing Shirou's twisted view of the world. Still, it did serve it's purpose.

It took any chance of him going off in anger at the unfairness of that project and crushed it. Right now he was more worried about why Shirou had such a twisted view of the world than about his own petty revenge.

He had one friend left from that day. He wasn't going to be stupid enough to lose him.


	12. Chapter 12

Shirou was heading into the school when he saw them. He managed to keep his face neutral passing by the cloaked figures.

He could literally smell a fake when he got near one, and these two brats had a pair of Excalibur swords on them.

Once he was past them, he texted Kiba about what was in the area and that Mordred would likely be having a...word...with them.

If anyone was capable of completely destroying those fakes, it would be the one who killed the original owner of the sword. Clarent Blood Arthur was uniquely suited to matching if not overwhelming Excalibur because of what Mordred did when she was alive.

And since these were merely cheap copies, they'd be no match for the real thing.

* * *

It was official. Not even two seconds after relaying the message from the Church and already they had shot Shirou's patience to hell. They were picking on Asia, just because the Church threw her out through no fault of her own.

"That is enough. If you two brats want to pick on someone who has done nothing wrong in her whole life and still believes in your precious 'God' despite all the shit she went through, then how about we settle this the old fashioned way? My Queen against you two posers," snarled Shirou.

Mordred grinned evilly at them both.

"We have no quarrel with you," said Xenovia.

"Oh, but I have a quarrel with anyone with enough balls to carry around a cheap imitation, and not a very good one at that."

"Lord Shirou, there is no need to worry about these...children. After all, the swords they carry don't even _have_ a fraction of Excalibur's power in them," said Mordred smugly.

Shirou turned to her.

"I've been around the true Excalibur enough to recognize it, and I can tell just from being this close that whatever holy blade fragment they have in those swords, it most certainly isn't Excalibur. There's also the fact I've had open doubts about the idea of mere humans being able to forge swords from 'fragments' when I know for a fact that Arturia returned the sword whole to the Lady of the Lake upon her death."

"What are you saying?" demanded Irina.

"I'm saying that while they may hold the name 'Excalibur', that there are no actual fragments of the sword itself inside your blades. Not to mention the fact that while King Arthur was revered as a 'holy figure' by your precious church, she most certainly never believed in your god. She was trained by a Magus, for crying out loud," said Mordred bluntly.

"Oh yeah. Didn't the legend say that Arthur was initially trained by Merlin, who was like an ancient version of Zelretch? I don't really seeing a Magus taking their apprentice to Sunday sermons. Not to mention the fact that as I recall, Arthur got her sword from the Faeries, which are notoriously against the Catholic/Christian faith because they represent the old ways and the Romans liked to use iron which could hurt them," said Shirou.

Irina and Xenovia were a combination of horrified and very indignant.

Shirou had, after all, just told them that they were carrying fakes that didn't even have Excalibur fragments in them, then informed them that the original owner wasn't even a member of the Church.

Which really begged the question of why they called it a "holy blade" in the first place.

Kiba, who had been silent through the whole thing, was fighting to keep a vindictive smirk off his face as he watched the two self righteous females get taken down several pegs.

"You...! Let's see you act so smug when my Excalibur cuts you down to size!" snarled Irina, who was rather hot headed.

"Bring it brat," said Shirou flatly, smirking.

Kiba spoke then.

"Mind if I join in?"

"That depends. Do you want to test your skills with them now or watch as they have their asses handed to them and possibly their swords destroyed?"

Kiba thought about that for two seconds.

"Never mind. I'd rather see their arrogance taken down several pegs," said Kiba.

"And Issei...if you are quick enough to bring a camera with you I'll see to it that these two give you plenty to look at," said Shirou smiling. It wasn't a nice smile, and Issei figured out the hidden message pretty damn quick because he scrambled to get a camera.

These two were unaware that he was a rampaging pervert, and as much as he disliked Issei's hobby, he hated the Church more.

It was over before it began. Mostly because Mordred had also figured out the hidden meaning behind Shirou's suggestion and promptly insured he'd have plenty of opportunities to photograph the humiliated girls.

They had it coming for telling Asia she should just die because she became a Devil, despite the fact they abandoned her first for a power she didn't ask for or want.

Kiba felt satisfaction hearing the two girls shriek in surprise as their clothing (minus the robes they had walked around in) was promptly shredded by Mordred. As if that wasn't enough, the second Clarent Blood Arthur came into contact with the fakes bearing the name Excalibur, they shattered. Like glass.

Irina was a bit quicker to cover herself, once she realized Issei was using his digital camera to take plenty of photos. Rias might have scolded him, but Shirou had quietly phrased it as blackmail material for later.

So long as she was allowed to confiscate the camera for future blackmail, she could turn a blind eye to his perversion.

"You bitch! How dare you destroy our swords? Now how are we supposed to get the others back?" said Irina, humiliated tears coming out of her eyes.

"You should have thought of that before you challenged my Lord. Be grateful he was feeling merciful. If he desired it, there would be bloodstains on my sword rather than strips of cloth," said Mordred coldly. Xenovia took the hint first.

"Enough Irina. We've embarrassed ourselves when we didn't take them serious. Besides, we still have that sword," said Xenovia cryptically.

Irina looked embarrassed beyond belief, and she shot Issei a disgusted glare.

Once they gathered what was left of their dignity and shattered swords, the two left as quickly as they could.

Kiba broke out laughing, almost hysterical once it was over.

"Oh, I needed that. You were right Shirou, it was more satisfying taking them down several pegs rather than trying to kill them. And from the looks of it, your Queen pretty much rendered their swords worthless now. If I didn't think I'd get my ass handed to me by her later during our sparring sessions I'd kiss her for what she just did," said Kiba.

Mordred preened. She would kick his ass if he had kissed her, but the sentiment was still there.

"Still feel the need to go off and blow some steam?" asked Shirou.

Kiba shook his head.

"Knowing that there are more of those damn swords in town and that Mordred has the power to destroy them is enough for me. So long as I'm there to see them gone, I'm good," he said smiling.

Rias looked at him with relief. For a moment she was worried she'd lose her only Knight on a revenge streak.

"I wouldn't sell yourself short, Kiba. You've made great strides in learning to temper your rage at the Church and using your speed effectively," said Mordred. Kiba winced at the reminder of some of Mordred's lessons.

He had had a bad habit of dropping his augmented speed from the Knight piece when attacking with a sword, something Mordred made a point to break him out of early on. His swords skills had only shot up with proper instruction, and unlike Issei he didn't need the extra torment that Mordred put the perverted idiot through to increase his stamina.

Though if asked, Mordred would openly admit she did it mostly out of some dark pleasure in tormenting Ddraig's current master. Albion had never liked his red counterpart before, and he was very happy with Mordred being alive again.

* * *

Shirou's first impression of the rogue priest "Freed" was that as much as he disliked Issei and his "hobbies", this man just outright pissed him off to no end.

"Oh, look at the little devil bitch and his big bad scowl. What's the matter devil boy, afraid of a little competition?"

"Lord Shirou, allow me," said Mordred, her hand already on her sword. This man was utterly repugnant.

"No. As much fun as it would be to destroy those swords, he's the only clue we have as to what's going on in town. Besides, I have the feeling he'd lead us to a bigger fish."

Freed knew this was Devil territory, and from what he understood Rias had already run into him before. So obviously he wouldn't be stupid enough to stick around after being identified unless someone told him to. Which meant that he had to be reasonably confident that this person would help even the odds.

Besides, there had to be a reason why the fallen angels had chosen _this_ town to try and steal Asia's Sacred Gear, as they might have succeeded had they performed the ritual anywhere else.

It was a good thing he had already called Medea back to the town the second he realized there were members of the Church here. As much as he would have loved to bring in all his forces, his old history teacher wouldn't be of much use right now. He could fight on the level of a Servant with Medea's help, but she didn't have any of the items that could boost his stats ready.

"This man annoys me greatly. May I deal with him?" asked Medusa sweetly.

"Maim, but don't kill. Once he leads us to the bigger fish he's all yours ladies," said Shirou grinning.

"Time to put all the fun I've had training that pervert into good use!" said Rider pleased.

Meanwhile Shirou sent his people out to find where Freed was working from...while he went with Issei to visit Azazel. Mostly because he was considered an acceptable chaperon for the pervert when visiting the enemy leader.

There was paranoia and there was being reasonably cautious. Considering the requirements for the leader of the Fallen to study Issei's Sacred Gear, Rias was being rather reasonable about the whole thing.

* * *

 _With Azazel..._

"You're rather late, Shirou," said Azazel amused.

"An annoying rogue priest I'd very much like to kill but can't popped up. I let Rider have some fun with him."

"...Is this the same Rider who took out most of Riaser's pieces, but happens to be the familiar of your Bishop?" asked Azazel. He hadn't laughed that hard in ages when he found that tidbit out.

"And is the one who uses Issei as target practice while Mordred chases him."

Issei shuddered.

"Why do you let her do that? Being hit with her chain sucks ass!"

"It provides a great motivator for you to be aware of your surroundings at all times and keeps her from being bored. And she could be worse. Her Mystic Eyes could turn your ass into stone if she wanted," deadpanned Shirou. Issei shivered. "Besides, I thought you'd love having Rider chase after you. After all, she rarely wears a bra and I know for a fact she usually wears a thong while riding."

"Seriously?!" said Issei, drooling.

"This guy is really big on the whole naked chick thing isn't he?" asked Azazel.

"And the sad fact is that even though he's a total pervert, he'll end up with a lot of girls after him because of the Red Dragon's charisma ranking," agreed Shirou.

"This Sacred Gear rocks!" said Issei, recharged and more than ready to indulge in his usual annoying hobbies.

* * *

There were times he was glad he had been summoned as an Assassin. This was one of those times.

Thanks to the natural ability of Presence Concealment, the rogue priest didn't even realize he was being followed by someone who looked like he came out of a period drama, armed with a perfectly ordinary cell phone.

Assassin followed Freed silently, until he found their hide out. Thanks to Shirou, his phone could take pictures without any noise being made. His hands rapidly pressed the appropriate button, taking pictures of all the people inside including Freed. He got as close as he dared, which was enough to get a good photo of the Fallen and another rogue from the Church. He sent them in a text, just in case he was detected and killed.

When he returned to the ORC club, he found a beehive of activity. Kiba was _pissed_ , and more importantly so was Shirou.

"What's going on?"

"That damn priest. If I had known he was here I would have followed that exorcist myself!" said Shirou.

"Are you absolutely sure of the photos you sent Shirou?" asked Rias grimly.

"I sent them almost immediately after I finished taking the things. I barely know how to operate a phone, much less doctor a photo," said Assassin blankly.

Kiba growled, but his training with Mordred kept him in check. If he flew off to kill that priest, he'd end up dead and have nothing to show for it. Better to bide his time and then kill the bastard.

"What of the other?" asked Shirou tightly.

"His name is Kokabiel, one of the Leader class of Fallen. As much as I hate to admit this, we'll need either Sirzechs or Azazel's help in dealing with him," said Rias.

"I could probably bribe Azazel into helping. Odds are Sirzechs won't be able to show up unless the Fallen makes a move first. Besides, I want a crack at that priest, and he might deal with everything himself," said Shirou.

"It's decided. Shirou, you contact Azazel and see if you can get his help dealing with one of his errant members. Kiba, you're with us tracking down the priest. Mordred, you deal with Freed and once we've gotten the others you can kill him," said Rias.

Mordred only liked being ordered by Shirou. But at this point his rage was too strong to do that, so she tolerated it this once.

"What about the fake Excalibur blades?" asked Illya.

"If I can get to them, I can wreck whatever it is that gives the Church a 'right' to call them Excalibur weapons. They might be fakes, but their very existence is an affront to my father's memory."

"They Church might not like that, but who cares what they think? If the two girls show up, they can bitch all they want about us 'ruining' the blades," said Shirou vindictively.

Medea grinned evilly.

"If it's whole sale damage on people you don't like, I might be of use, Lord Shirou," said Medea.

Shirou turned to his strongest Pawn.

"Medea, I give you full permission to use anything your vindictive and creative mind can come up with if it means dealing with Kokabiel, should Azazel chose not to interfere," said Shirou.

"I'll open my _delightful_ bag of tricks then. To be quite honest I was becoming very bored," said Medea, and her grin sent shivers down the spines of the weaker members.

There was a reason why she was a Caster. If given a chance to prepare and adequate power, she could be a devastating opponent.


	13. Chapter 13

"So, Kokabiel's here and he wants to start the war again. Can't say I approve of that idea," said Azazel. "So why come to me?"

"Rias would like to know if you'd be interesting making an appearance should things go south. Personally she's reasonably sure she could hold him off until a stronger player came to join in, but she would rather not test her power against his. Her Pieces aren't nearly ready to handle someone of his level just yet and she's fully aware of the fact."

"I get it. So the next head of the Gremory wants to make me an Ace in the hole just to be sure Kokabiel doesn't wreck the place. I can live with that. In fact I do have someone who might be more than happy to deal with him if he does start to gain too big of an upper hand. However you haven't gotten to the point that matters most. What's in it for me?"

"I have a Caster Servant with an A-ranked ability in crafting and enjoys making magical girl outfits. I also have a direct line to a certain multiverse-hopping vampire who Sona will soon wish I didn't know," said Shirou deadpan.

"Deal," said Azazel grinning.

* * *

 _A few days later..._

Mordred was growling.

"Would anyone be offended if I killed that fake priest? Kiba and Lord Shirou can deal with the fat pig over there," said Mordred.

"Take Sakura and Illya with you. I don't care if you have to go overkill and blast him with Ruby and Sapphire. Make sure he's a bad memory before the night is over," said Shirou.

Illya looked far too bloodthirsty at the idea.

"Can we unleash the cards on them?" she practically begged.

"Go for it. And feel free to use that angel as target practice."

"Yay! Come on Ruby, let's go kill an exorcist!" said Illyasviel.

"Thank the Devil kings I diverted her bro-con fascination to something a little less disturbing," muttered Kiritsugu.

"Kaleidogirl Illya..."

"And Kaleidogirl Sakura..."

"Ready for action!" the two Bishops said loudly as they did a double pose with Ruby and Sapphire crossing each other in the air.

Rias paled rather rapidly.

"Oh dear sweet Lucifer don't tell me you know..."

"I'm going to get Sirzechs to introduce me to Serafall later," said Shirou.

"Sona's going to kill me for not stopping this..." muttered Rias.

"Install, Archer!" said Illya in a bloodthirsty manner.

"Install, Rider!" said Sakura.

Sakura and Illya's cards were rather...unique...compared to the original ones. Unlike the first set of Class Cards, these were special in that Sakura and Illya could pick and chose which version of the Heroic Spirit that they would summon. While it meant that the time limit only lasted as long as their magic did, it also meant that the charge time was a lot shorter...but they could only use it once per day. However if they swapped the card, then the other person could use it...just at half power.

In Illya's case, she chose Gilgamesh as her Archer-class armor. Sakura went with the version belonging to her familiar, Medusa.

"Let's go beat up an exorcist and shitty fake priest!" said the two bishops.

"Just let me at those fake Excalibur swords," said Mordred.

"For the sake of our precious school, for this town... we _must_ stop Kokabiel!" said Rias firmly.

* * *

 _Mordred's POV..._

The fake Excalibur swords were barely D rank, if that. They were no match for her Clarent Blood Arthur. And if they weren't already outclassed beyond belief, the mere _fact_ they were acknowledged as Excalibur would have meant they were doomed to be destroyed by her sword.

Before she could move on to the deranged priest who had bound the fakes together however, something happened.

"Shirou!"

There was a portal under Shirou and the two bishops. Sakura and Illya were both as stuck as their King.

Using her superior speed, and augmenting that with the characteristics of "Knight", she narrowly made it to the portal before it closed.

Rias and the others could swear they faintly heard Shirou shouting something in a very angry manner. It almost sounded like...

" _DAMN YOU ZELRETCH, YOU KILL STEALING BASTARD!"_

And Shirou had been the most enthusiastic about showing off his Servants and how powerful they really were against an opponent they were allowed to go all out with.

* * *

"Ow. Everyone alright?"

"We're okay, Sempai. What was that?" asked Sakura.

"Zelretch, who else. Where did I... there it is!"

Shirou pulled out a cell phone. It was one of the newest models.

"Hello, Black Wing? Remember that prank I discussed with you a few months back when your grandfather introduced us? Well he's taken me before I managed to kill a particularly annoying and powerful opponent that annoyed me. Yes, I'll hold."

Shirou's expression was positively evil as he heard the shriek from Zelretch.

"Well? So it's going to last for three months and he'll have to stay in a magical girl's school as the only cute boy? And he turns into a girl every time he transforms? No, that's plenty. Mind dropping us back in our alternate so we don't lose too many days at school because of his meddling? Thanks."

"Well Shirou?" said Illya impatiently.

"Our Zelretch was just dumped in a magical girl school as the hot new transfer, but he'll turn into a teenage girl with _the_ worst cramps in existence for the next three months. Also, Black Wing said we could either stick around or he'd drop us back off in our alternate once we're done."

"That is...cruel and unusual."

"Black Wing agreed to do it when I explained it the first time. We were saving it for something special, or if Zelretch did something to annoy me greatly," said Shirou cheerfully.

Shirou got along far too well with Black Wing, mostly because he got along with Zelretch to a point. Well that and the fact he was a devil meant it was a lot easier to get along with multiverse-hopping evil gods that had long since lost their humanity.

He did not feel sorry for introducing his recently found mother to Black Wing, or for tricking his father into acting as babysitter for a bunch of vampire-hybrid children who practically breathed chaos.

Grayfia had increased his allowance after the destruction they caused last time, because it meant she could remodel while her mother-in-law was busy watching the kids in her place.

"Since we're stuck here, let's find out where that ass dropped us," said Shirou.

"Alright Sempai/Onii-chan/Sire," came the trio of responses from the girls.

* * *

Shirou's annoyance with Zelretch hadn't abated, but at least he didn't feel like punching the fanged bastard in the face anymore.

Mordred tensed.

"Sire, is that..."

"Arturia and Irisviel. This is going to be more fun than I thought. This looks like the opening battle of the Fourth Grail War. Let's watch for now."

The two bishops agreed, but Mordred didn't. Her hatred of Arturia was as strong as ever.

"I want to kill my 'father' now," growled Mordred.

Shirou thought fast.

"Tell you what, wait until Berserker shows up. If I remember right, Lancelot was summoned by Kariya, and since this is an alternate universe, we don't have to worry about ripple effects."

"Does this mean..." started Sakura.

"We can save your younger self and give Millicas his first Piece," affirmed Shirou. His younger brother was supposed to go and earn his Evil Piece set soon, and they already knew Sakura was a lot stronger and more flexible than her sister. And she had good breeding, so if Millicas dated her there wouldn't be a problem.

"So I get to fight two Servants to make up for the fact Zelretch is a kill-stealing bastard?" said Mordred.

"Yup."

"Once again you've reminded me why I love having you as a king," said Mordred hugging him.

Shirou was a far superior "king" than Arturia had ever been. He didn't have the inhuman charisma, the untouched nature, or the cheap gifts from the mythical faeries that made him superior.

Unlike Arturia, who was the embodiment of the red dragon, Shirou was a sword.

Sharp steel with the superb grace of a weapon in the hands of a true master, unyeilding against his enemies. Either he succeeded in the field of battle or he broke. Those were his two options.

It was up to his Evil Pieces, his most loyal allies, to insure that the latter never happened.

And so they watched in silence as the battlefield slowly became muddied. What had started as an honorable battle between Lancer and Saber quickly began to turn into some absurd meet and greet for the Servants.

But Mordred's patience was rewarded when Lancelot appeared on the field. However before she was about to jump down and fight both Lancelot and Arturia, Shirou held her back.

"Don't use your balance breaker."

"Lord Shirou?"

"If we're going to abduct Maiya, Sakura and Irisviel, we'll need a trump card. Having them prepared for someone with wings would be troublesome, or have you forgotten the man who raised me?"

Mordred blinked, before she nodded. It would indeed be troublesome if Kiritsugu were to learn too early that they could fly unaided. Not to mention Kotomine.

As a member of the Church, he had enough holy objects to become...troublesome... if he were to learn that such things would hurt them.

He had been difficult enough to kill _last_ time.

"Have fun," said Shirou, knowing Mordred would provide some unexpected entertainment.

"Yes, Lord Shirou," said Mordred with an evil glint.

So long as Arturia didn't use her Excalibur, Mordred didn't really have need to bring out Albion. It had been because Arturia was unused to Ddraig's powers and her over-reliance on Avalon and the sheer power behind Excalibur that Mordred had been able to fatally wound her 'father'.

With a mere thought, she donned her cursed armor, before jumping in the middle of the battle between Saber and Berserker.

Arturia's gasp was enough to tell Mordred that she had been recognized. Clarent Blood Arthur was promptly pointed in Saber's direction.

" _As it was, so it begins again,"_ said Mordred.

Where Shirou was hiding, he face palmed. He knew letting Mordred watching all those classic movies was a bad idea. Though he had to admit, investing in a digital copy of that Monty Python movie was totally worth it. Even if Mordred _did_ cackle evilly for hours on end.

Come to think of it, didn't Kiritsugu have a laptop?

Shirou's face went into a vicious grin as he immediately thought up a prank he could use to trick King Arthur into watching that movie.

And he knew _when_ to plant the movie on it too!

Seeing Gilgamesh get annoyed at being ignored, Shirou did the one thing sure to rattle the collective Masters and Servants.

It was a good thing there was a shop open this late. This was guaranteed to play merry hell with Kiritsugu and Maiya's night vision and heat sensing goggles.

"Girls, I believe you know what to do with these," said Shirou with an evil grin and a lighter.

"Molotov Cocktails and illegal fireworks? You shouldn't have!" said Illya with evil delight.

"Girls, let's give them a show that will draw tons of cops without exposing any magecraft whatsoever."

Hearing Waver yelp like a girl totally made their poor aim and far too enthusiastic throwing worth it.

As did the fact that they could hear the cursing of the Arturia in between dodging caught Molotov cocktails that were thrown courtesy of Mordred. _She_ didn't mind the badly aimed projectiles.

What they didn't throw they saved for later to drink.

* * *

Mordred was cackling as she got drunk off her ass.

"Did you _see_ their faces when Lord Shirou started throwing things?"

"You kidding? Lancer's Master was cussing us out when we set off those illegal fireworks!" said Illya laughing.

"Can we do it again?"

"We kidnap your younger self, then you can set as many fireworks off as you like," said Shirou. His grin widened. "By the way, I had an evil idea earlier about Mordred's favorite movie."

"This I have to hear," said a drunken Mordred.

Shirou had looted a _lot_ of liquor from that store. All of it the expensive high quality stuff they held back from the general customers.

"Well...what if while Kiritsugu is off trying to kill Lancer's Master, we slip Illya in to the castle as Irisviel so you can find his laptop and make it sound like 'you' have been kidnapped. We'll only use an audio file so he can't tell the difference. That way we can trick them all into watching that movie Mordred loves," said Shirou.

"Oh that is evil. Because I still sound like my old self, they won't know I'm an alternate of her! And because we have the same memories..."

"They'll have no choice but to have Saber watch Monty Python, especially since you know better than I do how to leave a trap like that," grinned Shirou.

"Let's do it!" said Illya happily.

"Right after this hangover passes," said Shirou.

* * *

Arturia was _not_ having a good night.

What had started as a battle between her and Lancer had quickly turned into a free for all.

That would have been tolerable...had _Mordred_ not suddenly appeared. What was more was that Mordred had all the same class characteristics as Arturia herself did. Almost as if her child had been summoned as a Saber as well.

Which was impossible. Kiritsugu confirmed only the standard seven had been summoned. And Mordred didn't have the qualities to be summoned as Caster.

And if THAT wasn't horrifying enough, without warning the battlefield was bombarded by fireworks and what Kiritsugu had quickly identified as "Molotov cocktails".

He had not been happy about those, and they had nearly blinded him and Maiya when someone started launching them without warning. And they were a _very_ effective way to not so discreetly convince the Masters to disperse.

Whoever did that, Kiritsugu planned to put a few bullets in their ass.


End file.
